Happy New Year

It's the last day of 2014, half the day is already gone. As I reflect on the year I find myself over come with emotion. When 2014 came in I was a few months out of a relationship that I thought was going to be forever. I was uncertain, somewhat nervous, but I knew God had a plan...doesn't He always? The funny part is His plans are better than mine. Go figure.

How could it be, 2014, a year that started off dismal turned out to be the best year of my life so far. Why? This year I actually gave up trying to control my life and allowed God to really pilot. I thought I had done this years before but nothing compares to this year. As Joyce Meyer says, I have reached a new level and the wonderful thing is you can too. That is the purpose of my blog. I don't want any glory. I'm certainly not trying to build a fan base per se. All I want to do is let you know that great days are ahead! Job 8:7 says that our beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will our future be.

 I want us to go into 2015 expecting amazing things from The Lord our Savior! Declare that our children will be mighty soldiers in His army. This is the year we are going to embed The Word of God into their hearts and minds. We are going to be better parents than we have ever been because there is always room for improvement. We are going to have a house of plenty and never lack. For those of us who desire a mate, 2015 is going to be the year that we get ready and in position because our Boazes (Esther if you are a man) are close.

I encourage you to take inventory of your life. See where God has brought you, don't worry about how far you have to go. Just know you are journeying with the most skilled guide. He will lead the way. Yes we may get off track. We may even stop along the way but keep going. I am excited about what is going to happen in your life. I want to read all about it and to celebrate life's victories with you. However, I will only know if you leave a comment and I am asking you to please do so. Also share this blog with others. These words are not just for parents but for everyone. Check out my favorite song and blessed. See you next year!

Take Time To Pray and Praise

Hurry up! Get the lead out. Vamanos. No matter how you say it being in a rush sounds the same. Sometimes there are periods in my life that I wish I had 8 of me so that I could go to Fiji while the others worked and parented. It's during these times I feel like the cat on a poster I saw once. It was a kitten holding on to a rope. The caption read "When you feel you are at the end of your rope...tie a knot and hold on."

Over the years I have learned that my life has cycles. I don't know if it happens like this for everyone because some people's entire lives are a big rush all the time. For me it comes and goes like the ocean tide. It is my faith in The Most High God that drives me on. I have to tap into my source daily or else I couldn't handle times like this. Daily I wake up, spend my quiet with God, and call forth a peaceful day. I keep at the front of my mind my response to things. I can feel myself relax with each short prayer I pray.

God is so amazing, as I was typing this post I got a call from a dear friend of mine back home. She called to tell me how overwhelmed she felt and was crying. She is a working single mom like myself and she needed some prayer. I thank God for giving me the ability to empathize with others. I am grateful that I can look beyond myself to lend a listening ear and heart. Sometimes I feel as if I am pulled in so many directions. By nature its easy for me to go into a tail spin. Every and anything can become urgent. When I feel myself getting wound up I hear that still small voice reminding me to breathe and prioritize.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Do you ever find yourself thinking or saying, "I take care of everyone and no one takes care of me. " I used to say that. Boy that was my anthem and it was a big lie I was telling myself. My heavenly Father was taking care of me and He still does. It's easy to fall into that way of thinking though.

That's why God's word says we should think about loving and happy thoughts (Philippians 4:8). There are songs by Yolanda Adams, "It's Gon Be Nice" (listen) and "I Gotta Believe" (listen ) that  really help me make it through rough periods and help me get my praise on. Check them out when you get some time. Really listen to the words. Feel renewed hope and strength while she sings. I promise it will change your mindset.

What Is Your Message?

The other day I was listening to my big little brother Jay Mayo on the Right To Real Love podcast. In this particular episode  (Click Here) he had a phenomenal guest speaker named J. Patrick Wise. He had so much wisdom to share about being single, his last name is "Wise" for a reason I tell you. The insights he shared were amazing. There was a part in the show when he said "Our children are our message to the future." This phrase sums up how I starting parenting when Jesus changed my life. I could never find words to describe how I feel about my calling as a mother. This says it all. Raising a child of God is something I am very passionate about. It makes me excited to know there are fathers and future fathers out there who feel the same way.

It seems the number of people around me having children because "time is running out", to keep a man/woman, or for any other reasons except the right ones are increasing. I am also discovering that so many of us are not intentional with our parenting and are too casual about this important assignment. I don't profess to be an expert nor am I knocking anyone's choices. Trust me when I say that I don't have it all together. I get it wrong sometimes but when I do the Holy Spirit is quick to correct me or call my attention to a hidden issue. That is why we must pray and spend time with God.

When my mom found out I was pregnant she was upset that I was bringing a child into this chaotic world. She asked why was I doing it. My response to her was, "Ma, we need more good people in this world. Why should I let the world stop me from bringing a good life to this place." When I'm driving alone I often think about what type of adult Sienna is going to be. I envision this intelligent, strong, beautiful young lady who is on fire for Jesus. My child is like an arrow in the hand of a warrior (Psalm 127:4). She will do great things to further God's Kingdom work. That is my message to the future.

So, what is your message? I hope it's a good one. I pray that it is something big. Make a statement for God! It's so easy to feel as if the future isn't a bright one, especially with the state of the world today. However, we  have the power to change the future and it starts with our children.

It Will Be Worth The Wait

A few months ago I was shopping for office furniture I had to have for my new job. Having a home based office requires more than a dining room table and chair and I was on a shoe string budget and was strapped for cash. Lucky for me I have no problems buying things second hand, I was blessed to find a plush office chair and a shelving system with a drawer for only $15. All that was missing was a desk. After spending a few days stalking thrifts stores and yard sales I found a couple of desks but they were either out of my price range or I had to cart it home myself. Physical strength and a truck are not things I am blessed with so I had to pass on the desks. Time was of the essence though I didn't lose hope I was a little anxious.

Reluctantly I went to a local furniture store and found what I thought was the perfect desk for me. It was just the right size for my room and my car, had extra shelves and was in my price range. Sold! I think not. It missed fitting in the trunk of my car by literally a half an inch. I couldn't believe it. The desk was perfect and I didn't know anyone I could call with a truck to pick it up for me. When the three men at the store realized I was at their mercy (so they thought) they immediately tried to swindle me. The manager told me their delivery fee was $70. I told him no thanks. The desk was priced at $45. Who was he trying to play? I wanted to tell him what he could do with that desk but I am a changed woman. The next guy said that he delivers after hours to make extra money and could bring it to my house which was less than 5 miles away. Don't get me wrong I am the last person to look for an handout or anything for free. So I knew it would come with a price. I was thinking $20. This guy must have bumped his head when he said $55 for delivery. I told them all no thanks and got out of there.

As I drove home I was upset but it wasn't about me not getting the desk. I was upset about how the men tried to take advantage of me. Had I been desperate I would have jumped at the opportunities that were presented to me. When I got home I sat on the couch and prayed. I couldn't believe this is the state of our world, especially the men. Are they not supposed to be protectors? I then thought about Sienna and prayed that God would give her a "God man"...an Ephesians 5 man. It's never too early to pray for your child's spouse. I don't want her to follow in all of my footsteps. Yes I have a great life but being a single mom with a divorce under her belt is not what I want for my kid. I want her to have better and make better choices than I did.

After my talk with God he led me to Craigslist and there it was! A desk better than the one I saw at the store and it was $20 cheaper. I called and asked if it was still available. It was and they had no problems delivering it to me. I jumped in my car and met him and his wife at the storage unit. Before I left I did text my best friend to let her know my whereabouts just in case something happened to me. You can't be too careful these days. When I arrived he and his wife were there, they followed me back to my home, set up my desk, I paid and they left. What was the grand total you ask? A whopping $45! You can't beat God.

How many times in life do we think we have found the right person, job, etc and we hit a roadblock? How do you react when that happens? Do you go to The Father for clarity? Do you try to find a hidden meaning to what is happening below the surface? God's delays are not always a definite "No". Sometimes they are, "Not right now child because I have someone/something better for you." Proverbs 19:21 says "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

The Outpour of Blessings

Making good grades always came naturally for me. I prided myself on my being an excellent reader. I was far ahead of the rest of my classmates. I received many accolades for my achievements and was inducted into honor societies in different grades. My dad is a genius, I'm not kidding, and my mother is no slow leak either. I was blessed with brilliant parents. Education and smarts were stressed so much in my home my dad always told me to make sure I had kids with a smart man so that my kids would be intelligent. Sienna's dad is a very smart man. I chose wisely on that. You can only imagine the confusion I felt when my daughter began to struggle in school.
When helping Sienna with her homework I would lose my patience as I silently compared her to myself at that age. It was frustrating no doubt for the both of us. I dreaded the evenings as my baby girl struggled to read and comprehend. So many thoughts ran through my mind. I just couldn't do it so I hired a tutor.

Finding a tutor for my child is just as nerve racking as finding a babysitter. I don't want any and everybody sowing into her life. And let's not talk about the financial aspect of it all. Private tutors don't run cheap. So you can only imagine the joy I felt when I found a retired teacher who offered very reasonable prices and was close to my home. I scheduled an appointment immediately.

When we went for the interview everything seemed fine. No red flags went up but I am no fan of leaving my little girl alone with strangers so I would sit outside his office door in the waiting area. This occurred two nights a week for almost month. As time went on I noticed the tutor was running late each session and didn't apologize for his excessive tardiness. I am stickler for time so after a few violations I politely said something. It was then I saw the true nature of the man within. Honestly I had noticed the evening before that he had made snarky remarks to one of the parents. He didn't know I was there. So when he got mad with me I wasn't surprised. I promptly let him know his services weren't needed anymore and that he could keep the tuition that I had paid him in advance.

This conversation took place in front of Sienna who was no doubt shocked at his behavior and disappointed by the fact she was no longer going to be tutored. It was at that moment I taught her that R-E-S-P-E-C-T is more than just an Aretha Franklin song but a way of life. I allowed her to dissect the interactions between the tutor and I and to tell me what she thought. She was right on the money. He was rude and wrong. After we got through that teachable moment she asked, "Mom what are we gonna do?" I told her we were gonna trust God because He knows what we need. In Matthew 6:25-26 Jesus tells us not to worry about our lives. God takes care of the sparrows and if He watches over them then will He do that much more for his children.

One day I received a letter from the school stating Sienna was going to receive FREE tutoring at her school twice a week! I couldn't believe it but then again I could because that is how my Father works. He never lets me go without. Sometimes I feel like I'm his favorite. No more rushing home to eat dinner to get to the tutor late in the evening. Our schedule is back to normal, Sienna's grades have picked back up, just in time for report cards next week. More important her father has become active in her life again and I know that it is God. I truly see a change in that man. He has been helping her over the phone with her homework and listens to her read some nights. I am truly thankful for this turn around in our lives. I can't wait to see what else is in store for us. Praises to The Most High God!

Kids Say The Darndest Things

The other day one of my twitter friends (I hate the term followers) tweeted that her son said she would be a better mom if she didn't make him read books. I responded with a tweet of how Sienna told me she wished she had a better mom. We both laughed at how kids think they know what constitutes a "good/better" mom.

I know my child sounded pretty ungrateful and bratty. Some of you are probably even wondering what my response was. Well, we were going through a critical point in our lives. Sienna was still reeling from the break up of her father and I. For her to say that it was truly out of character. So I was sure to give her some grace by saying, "I want you to have a better mom too. That's why I pray and ask God to help me everyday." I didn't say it in a harsh tone. I was quite calm because I was exhausted and didn't have the strength to fuss. Besides the Bible says a kind word turns away anger (Proverbs 15:1) This is true because the conversation did not go any further from there.

Has your child ever critiqued your parenting skills? Better yet has your child ever said something to you that made you question yourself as a mother. I must admit it hurt me to hear Sienna say that even though I know I am an awesome mom. I knew she was hurting deep inside and that was her way of expressing it. It was important for me to handle the situation with care. So I went to my bed and cried to God for his direction and comfort.

The next time you get down about your parenting decisions ask yourself: Do I look to the interest of what's best for my child? Is my child relatively happy and healthy for the most part? Are we growing as a family in Christ? If you have answered "yes" to these three questions then you can rest easy. Don't worry about the the decisions you have made that may not have panned out. Move forward and remember there is no condemnation for them who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

Thou Shall Teach The Word

Recently I had the pleasure of learning that Valen, the son of one my blog readers Corina, was baptized this past Saturday. She shared with me that Valen's biological father (her ex) is an Atheist while she is a Christian. It was decided when he was born that Valen would choose his own faith. At the age of 11 he chose to be baptized as a Christian! This a perfect example of Parenting Commandment #10 Thou Shall Teach The Word.

I am so happy I delayed writing a post on this commandment. Though I had it all figured out in my mind which of my stories I would share; I just hadn't time to post it. I was starting to feel bad because I knew my readers were expecting a new post. However, I am so glad that I didn't have time or else I would've missed the opportunity to share Valen's good news!

Though Corina is now married to a wonderful man, Valen's father still has some influence in his life. Corina's son is well aware of his father's beliefs and could have easily wanted to be like him. Don't all little boys want to be like their dad? One would think that a child would grow up confused by having parents with two totally different views on God. That is not the case here because Corina parents by Commandment #9 Thou Shall Live Authentically. She not only teaches her son The Word of God but she lives it in her daily life. Valen is able to clearly see a distinct difference between the lives of his mother and biological father.

I'm not saying that his father lives a bad life but for all of us believers we know and understand what life is like when you are walking with Jesus and when you are not. I do believe that Valen made an informed decision to choose Jesus Christ as his personal savior because of the life he has seen his mother live before him.

When I was a hospice nurse one of my patients told me that her favorite scripture was "Nothing gives me greater joy than to know my children are walking in the way"-3 John 1:4. At that time I wasn't a parent but I thought it was sweet. It wasn't until my own child committed her life to Christ on March 23, 2014 that that scripture took on a whole new meaning.

As I read Cori's email I cried tears of joy. I could feel her excitement. I know that feeling all too well. I am sure as a mother she gets comfort in knowing that her son has a relationship with God that will sustain him for the rest of his life. The Bible says we should train a child up in the way he should go and when he is old he won't part from it (Proverbs 22:6).

Can You Really Forgive and Forget?

I can't even begin to express my gratitude for all of you who read/follow my blog. I want to share with you an opportunity that I had to be a guest speaker on Right to Real Real Love Radio. This episode is on forgiveness. Please click the link and enjoy. Your feedback and you sharing your experiences would be appreciated. The final parenting commandment will be posted later in the week. Be blessed!
http:/righttoreallove.com/forgive-and-forget/

Thou Shall Live An Authentic Life

I've never been one to participate on social media until recently. Though I'm an extrovert and will open up under the right settings and conditions I like to keep my life pretty private. If you have a child like mine all of that can go out of the window in one conversation. Commandment #9 Thou Shall Live Authentically will surely help you survive those moments.

Sienna is a happy go lucky child who loves to talk and share. Not only does she like to share what's going on in her world but she shares what's happening in mine. My little one never says anything inappropriate and she doesn't reveal deep family issues that she may be privy to. However, she doesn't hesitate to talk openly about the things she finds funny or interesting.

My latest encounter with my daughter "putting me on blast" was at her friend's birthday party. I walked her inside, introduced myself, and went back to my car for a webinar. While I was attending my meeting Sienna was being the life of the party. She had her audience captivated and I was about to have details of my life put on front street (Luke 12:3).

When I returned to the party I was greeted with, "Congratulations! We hear you're getting married." To say I was caught off guard would be an understatement. I was blown for a loop. I responded cheerfully, "I'm not getting married. I don't even have a man." One of the moms was quick to tell me that Sienna said that I told her I was waiting for God to send me a husband and that he was on his way. When I heard that I thanked God that I was no longer a person who lived a reckless life.

As the party continued another mom told me that they have learned so much about me through my child. Had someone said this to me 5 years ago I would've been worried. Change is possible! I'm doing what is right and no longer have anything to hide. I stopped acting a certain way around a group of people and then switched out when I was around another group. God's Word says in James 1:8 that a double minded individual is an unstable one...indeed I was.

We should always strive to set an example by doing good and to show integrity and seriousness in everything that we do (Titus 2:7) "Everything" includes what is done in private as well as public. Do I always get it right? Of course not. But I don't always get it wrong either. There are times I slip up and say a word or two that's not pleasing to God but my over all life style is Godly and full of integrity.

What are you teaching your child(ren) about living an authentic life? Do you tell them not to let visitors/callers know that you are home when you really are? What seems like little white lies lay the foundation of dishonesty in their lives. Do you put on fronts for the public when you're really a nightmare behind closed doors? When our kids see us acting this way it gives them the green light. Sometimes you can't blame a child who acts picture perfect around the house but gets wild when they're with their peers. They only mimic what they see.

Thou Shall Trust The Process

I appreciate all of you taking the time to read my blog. My postings have not been as consistent due to me starting a new job. Or should I say a new career. Back in May I quit a job that was meeting my financial needs but was stealing me away from my child. When I gave my notice I didn't even have a job waiting for me. To be honest I hadn't even started looking. It was after much prayer and consideration I decided to follow Commandment #8 Thou Shall Trust The Process. 

I know many of you are thinking that I was nuts for leaving a job without securing a new one. For those who know me it was completely out of character for me. I'm the type of woman who always has a plan B, C, and D! I try to look at a situation from all angles while weighing out my options. What can I say I like to have all my bases covered.  I must admit that this time I didn't and the results have been phenomenal. 

How was I able to step out on unshakable faith? First of all I look at how far He has brought me and my daughter. His past performance is indicative of what He will do in the future. Second, I know what certain scriptures say about His plan for my life. Not only do I have them committed to memory but I have them written on my heart. If there is nothing else I believe in life the following I am sure of:

Proverbs 3:5-6 tells me If I trust in The Lord with with every fiber of my being and I take time to simply thank Him and give Him glory in everything I do He will lead me the right way. 

Before I quit my job I told my best friend that I was tired of nursing (for multiple reasons) and felt as if God was calling me for something greater and different. I just didn't know what. I had been a nurse for 14 years. I never thought the day would come I would be wanting to leave it behind. How? When? There was so much uncertainty. I needed a Monday through Friday from 9:00am to 5:00pm schedule, no holidays, no on-call responsibility, flexibility, and a salary that would meet my needs. I had a laundry list of "must haves" but that's the life of a single mom when you're a one woman band. 

A few days after turning in my two weeks notice I filled out applications online. I submitted my résumé to various nursing jobs but I had absolutely no desire to really do any of them. One day I got a call from a recruiter. They received my résumé I submitted for the telephonic registered nurse position. The position I applied for was not what I wanted but it was what I needed. I really couldn't see myself nursing over the phone in a cubicle at a call center. I really like interacting with people in person. Out of all the applications I put in this company was interested. I went to the interview and something amazing happened. The offered me a position that best suited my personality and work style. 

The entire summer went by before I could start my new career. I picked up what shifts I could through a nursing agency so that I could have some income coming in. I pretty much took things day by day. I would be dishonest if I said I didn't get frustrated and discouraged but I just kept hold to the promises of God. It's pretty scary when you are the sole financial provider and you have little to no income. 

A scripture I kept at the front of my mind was God will supply all of my needs according to His riches and glory (Philippians 4:19). When I recite a scripture I personalize it. I own it. I make it mine. It holds that much more weight to me. I do believe it makes God smile when we believe what He says and we trust Him. He likes to be taken at His word. He is not a man so He doesn't and He can't lie (Numbers 23:19)! 

These past three months God did more than I could ever ask, think, or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Not only did He meet my needs but I learned how to live on less. I've always wanted to do it but just never tried. Due to finances being tight I couldn't go all out for Sienna's birthday like I usually do. I YouTubed a recipe for a princess castle cake and made it myself with my BFF's help. It wasn't perfect but it was made with love and it tasted great. I wish I had a piece now. 

My mom was able to make it to the party. This was extra special because she had never been to one of Sienna's parties before. Mom took her on a shopping spree for school clothes and my neighbor gave her more clothes than I have room for. Truthfully this is nowhere near all of the blessings that have come my way. I would be here all day telling you guys about them. 

The time off this summer was not all about me and what I gained. I chose to use the time to start my blog as well as a support group for single moms. I have had the honor of collaborating with my big little brother, Jay Mayo of Right to R.E.A.L Love. He asked me to be a guest speaker on an upcoming podcast in September regarding forgiving a sibling who has betrayed you. I hope you all will listen. I will be posting the link soon so that if you don't or can't subscribe to the podcast you will have access to it. 

The blessings of The Most High God are ours. All we have to do is agree and walk in to them. Open your hearts and your minds to the endless possibilities that come through God and have faith. 

***Later this week Commandment #8 Thou Shall Teach The Word***

Thou Shall Communicate

When I was 12 years old my mother sent me to live with my father (that's another post for another time). Things did not turn out the way she expected regarding my father's promises of visitation. As a result we had to maintain our relationship via telephone and letters. Commandment #7 Thou Shall Communicate was very important.

I've always been able to tell my mother anything without fear of judgement. Even if it was something about her she allowed me to verbalize what was on my mind. My mother is a very gentle woman. It takes a lot to make her mad. I must admit that I was not always careful of my choice of words with her. Though she was my mother she was not there physically after I went to live with my father so I viewed her as a big sister or an older friend. On the flip side because she and I were so close emotionally there were things she knew about my life that my father did not know. She didn't judge me and didn't hold things over my head. Don't get me wrong she never upheld me in any wrong doing. If there was something my father needed to know she told him. My mother did not keep secrets from him. 

Remember when your child was a baby and they started to cry. You had to run down the check list to figure out what was wrong. Were they hungry, tired, or needed a new diaper? The same principle applies to older children except needing a new diaper is replaced with them needing your attention or ear.When Sienna is being cranky/bossy and the first three items on the list are satisfied I know that she needs to talk. There is something she needs to get off her chest. Proverbs 4:5&7 says that wisdom is best and that we should get an understanding no matter what the cost is. When I hear the words, "Mom I need to talk to you." I give her the attention she needs. If I can't talk to her right then I give her a time frame and I stick to it. 

There are times Sienna says things that I don't want to hear. She even makes statements out of frustration and I have to let her know that I will not tolerate her tone or choice of words. How else is she supposed to learn what is acceptable speech and what isn't? As a parent it is my duty to teach her as much as I can before the world does. I often tell her you may not get it now but you will understand later. It is important to me that we keep an open line of communication. When she gets curious about sex/boys, yeah I said it because the day will come, I want her to talk to me. 

I know what it's like to not have a voice as a child. Somewhere in the unwritten code of parenting children are not allowed to verbalize their concerns or fears. At least in my father's house I couldn't. That is why I always encourage Sienna to share what is on her mind. I want her to know that keeping feelings bottled up inside is unhealthy. I wish I could say that we are always able to sit down and talk things out calmly. But then again she is only 7 and I am human. We do the best we can. 

Thou Shall Break Generational Curses

There is no such thing as the perfect family. Every family has their issues. What makes a family thrive and survive is the way those problems are handled. Not everyone has had the priviledge of growing up in a household devoid of dysfunction. I know I sure didn't. My poor family had more issues than the Southern Living magazine and we didn't handle them very well. When I decided to have my own family I knew I had to put Commandment #6 Thou Shall Break Generational Curses into play.

Growing up infidelity plagued both sides of my family. Having multiple partners or stepping out on their spouses was the norm for my male relatives. In a family dominated by males women weren't valued and were treated as objects to be used and discarded. As a result many of the women in my family do not value themselves and tolerate the use and abuse that is rendered to them. I can say this was my problem for many years. That is why I tolerated my child's father's behavior for so long. I was essentially groomed for a man just like him. My up bringing was also the root cause of me never respecting a man either.

When I moved back to South Carolina six months after giving birth I was under the illusion that my family had changed over the years. I hadn't been in contact with anyone except my father for three years. I made the mistake of thinking because I knew and wanted better that they desired the same thing. WRONG! Everything was just as it was when I was growing up. I couldn't believe it. Do people ever change? I felt as if I jumped out of the frying pan into the fire. I took me and my daughter from the situation with her father into an equally destructive one with my family. The insults and verbal abuse were still prevalent. One day my father yelled and cussed at me while I was holding Sienna. She started to cry. I thought to myself, I'm 28 years old and a mother. I don't have to take this crap anymore! I didn't want my daughter to grow up the way that I did. So nine months after moving back to my hometown I packed up and moved without notice two hours away to a town where I didn't know anyone. I didn't even tell my family I was leaving.

The move proved to be very beneficial. Without having someone there to fall back on I had to learn to trust God. There were many obstacles I had to overcome. Raising a baby alone without any help was more than challenging. I developed strength, character, and learned to trust my own instincts. I may have been 28 years old chronologically but I was really a lot younger than that mentally. I was forced to grow up. I stumbled a long the way. I made mistakes. Mistakes that my over protective father didn't allow me to make when I was younger. You can't shield your children from the world.

Sienna and I lived in that town for seven years. In that time frame I built stable and healthy friendships with women and men. I got to know myself and others. More importantly I got to know God and was able to see what He could do in my life. I became a first time homeowner and still have that home to this day. My daughter grew up in a stable environment that was filled with love. The experiences gained were exactly what I needed. No Sienna doesn't have the benefit of growing with up with my side of her family but that is perfectly ok. She knows who they are and loves them just the same. I do not speak ill of them. I actually communicate with and visit some of my siblings. For the ones that I don't we have a mutual understanding that we live different lifestyles. My daughter will not grow up thinking that just because someone is family you need to tolerate their shenanigans. There are plenty of difficult people in the world from which she can learn life's lessons from. A dysfunctional family doesn't need to make a contribution.

In Genesis 12:1-4 The Lord told Abram (Abraham) "Leave your country and your people. Leave your father's family. Go to the land I will show you. I will make you a great nation. I will bless you. I will make your name great. You will be a blessing to others. I will bless those who bless you. I will put a curse on anyone who brings down a curse on you. All nations on earth will be blessed because of you." This scripture sums up the story of my life. I do not regret the time I did not spend with my family. It was essential for my growth. I currently live in a city now in which I have no family. But I have a wonderful God fearing best friend who is like a sister to me. Proverbs 18:24 says a friend sticks closer than a brother and that is true because sometimes all you share with family is DNA.

****Next Week Commandment #7 Thou Shall Communicate****

Thou Shall Tame Thy Tongue

Getting angry and saying things you would regret later were well apart of my childhood. It was much easier for my dad and step-mom to express their anger towards me than their love. Some of the things they said to me I could never say to a child, especially my own. Like I've said before, To hurt her would be to hurt me. That is why I parent by Commandment # 5 Thy Shall Tame Thy Tongue.

It is true that the way we're raised has an impact on us as adults. Verbal abuse was very much apart of my relationship with my daughter's father. During heated arguments I was quick to call him names. Names that I knew would cut deep and jab at his manhood. I was hurt by his actions or should I say lack thereof and I wanted him to feel it. All of our arguments used to be the knock down drag out type via text. Those to me are the absolute worst because your target is not in front of you. You do not see the reactions or the pain on their faces. With my quick temper, quick mind, and quick fingers I used to send some pretty mean texts in a matter of seconds. During an argument not too long ago I realized that that would be our last.

Not once in all the years we have known each other had Sienna's dad ever called me anything but Ariel. I'm not saying he didn't engage or fight back. So don't go feeling sorry for him just yet. He just never called me a name. His tactic was emotional abuse via stonewalling and withholding affection. I must admit that it really bothered me. My parents were masters of this. So what was the eye opener for me you ask? Late one night as I lay in bed all of a sudden I began to cry. I thought about all of the things I'd said to him over the years. The names I'd called him and how I tried to emasculate him. I had felt the very pain I was trying to inflict. In the past I have apologized to him for the things I have said , but apologies mean nothing if you keep repeating the behavior. The last time we argued I promised myself  it would be the last. Trust me when I tell you that he has given me plenty of opportunities for me to revert to my old ways but I refuse to take the bait. Instead I look at it as an opportunity for God to shine and for my true repentance to show.

I also use Commandment #5 in my parenting by choosing my words carefully with Sienna. She has such a tender spirit and words affect her deeply. It is not hard to kill the spirit of a child. The wrong word at the right time can do irreparable damages. I even have to be careful when I make statements like, "Stop acting like a baby." She gets so upset, cries, and tells me, "Stop calling me that. I'm not a baby." I used to try to get her to see that I wasn't calling her a baby and that she was acting like one. But you know what? Her perception is her reality and if that's what she thinks then that is what it is to her. I really had to humble myself and apologize to her. Unlike me with my folks she didn't stand there and take it. She stood up for herself. She was not disrespectful about it but she let me know she was not going to have me putting her down. Would it really kill me to rephrase my statements? Absolutely not!

Proverbs 18:21 tells us that the the power of life and death are in our very own mouths. I want my daughter and others around me to be empowered by my words. I'm not perfect and there are moments when I want to throw people a good tongue lashing but I don't. Why? If you continue to read the previous mentioned scripture it says that those who love to talk will eat the fruit of their words. Now that's some serious food for thought.

If you are having issues with what you say and you let your anger and frustration get the best of you study James 3:1-11. It speaks about the tongue corrupting the entire body as well as our lives. Ask The Father to help you. I'm a witness. If He can tame my tongue of destruction and damnation he can surely do it for you.

****Later this week Commandment # 6 Thou Shall Break Generational Curses****

Thou Shall Not Be Desparate

When I truly had the revelation of the unconditional love of Christ the massive black hole of my life was filled.  I have always been aware of His love for me. I just never fully grasped the concept and allowed it to take root. I was always searching. No one ever told me about Commandment #4 Thou Shall Not Be Desperate

It was Mother's Day 2012. Earlier in the week I had been having abdominal pain so I went to the emergency room. I was told that my uterine fibroids were enlarged and one was the size of a grapefruit. The small company I worked for did not offer health insurance and at that time I could not afford it out of pocket due to pre-existing conditions. Companies were turning me down left and right anyway. Even though I was a seasoned nurse I had no idea how bad things really were. A few days later I woke up with a fever, my abdomen was tender and distended. It felt as if I had appendicitis. I called a friend to help me get Sienna to school so I could go back to the emergency room. What the doctor's told changed my life forever.

The four fibroids had outgrown their blood supply and they were decomposing inside of me. I was septic and needed an emergency hysterectomy. I had no issue with that because I knew the situation was life and death and I already had the one child I wanted. So I told the doctor to do what needed to be done. Unfortunately it was not that simple. I did not have health insurance and they would not perform the surgery. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I pleaded with them. I knew what my fate could be if  I did not get treatment. They referred me to a women's center for the under/uninsured (the next available appointment was July) and sent me home. They sent me home to die.

When I got home I fell on my couch and screamed out to God. I yelled at Him to not let me die. I had a child to raise. I then called my father whom I had an estranged relationship with and told him what happened. He told me to get to him quick so that  he could make sure I got the treatment I needed. At that time I lived two hours away from him. He suffered from his own disability and was unable to come and get me. Besides I could not just up and leave. Who was going to take care of Sienna? I called her father and gave him an update. I needed him. We needed him. I just knew he would come through. We had just taken a wonderful "family" vacation to Orlando the month before. Well, as usual he couldn't be there. This time it was because he was in school. I told him that Sienna had one more week left in kindergarten. He stood by his decision. I was furious! What was I going to do?

I did what any mother should do. I relied on God for help. When Sienna got home from after school care I let her know I was going to get my "tummy fixed" and I would be gone for a while. I didn't sleep a wink. I held her and prayed all night. I was so scared. I could not get to my dad's until the next morning due to having to secure childcare. I didn't know how long I was going to be gone. If it weren't for my friends and my disabled mother who lived four hours away I don't know what I would've done. Once all of that was taking care of I drove myself the two hours to my hometown. As I made the drive alone I felt absolutely no pain and no fear. However, once I got there my body was worn out. My condition deteriorated quickly. I was immediately rushed to the hospital and the real fight for my life began.

The doctors fought the infection with antibiotics for three days before they could perform the surgery. Those were the absolute worst days of my life. I was unable to walk, turn over in bed, or go to the bathroom on my own. The pain was unbearable but I had a fear of becoming hooked on the pain medication so I bore the pain as much as possible. I had an allergic reaction to some of the medications and one of them burned my veins badly whenever it was infused. Alone in the hospital, I had  no visitors, no friends, and no family. My child was hours away wondering what's going on with Mommy. It was just me and God. I had never prayed so hard in my life. Once the surgery was done I stayed in the hospital for another four days. My best friend, who lived in the same town as Sienna's father came to help me on the sixth day. He still was a no show even after being told she was coming. During my hospital stay he actually used every opportunity to kick me while I was down. I had no idea until recently he was a narcissist with a vendetta against women.

Fast forward two months. My relationship with Sienna's father was nonexistent. We only talked when it pertained to our child. I was all healed and really just trying to focus on getting back on my feet financially. Being out of work for so long hit me hard. My savings went quick and I had no other source of income, not even child support. A friend of mine that I had known for two years invited me to her housewarming party. She wanted me to meet her brother-in-law. I really wasn't interested in meeting anyone new. When I finally met her brother-in-law he was a breath of fresh air. He knew The Word and had a wonderful presence about him. It was instant attraction on what we both felt like was a spiritual level. Our children clicked and got along well. Two weeks later he met my folks, my dad liked him (that's a rarity) but was concerned about the speed of our courtship because he asked to marry me. Of course my dad did not give his blessing but he knew I was going to do it anyway.

Two weeks after meeting my dad and step-mom we got married by a notary. I couldn't believe I finally had a husband. My very own person who vowed to be with me through sickness and health. I would never have to worry about who would care for my child if I got sick again. My knight in shining armor had finally arrived. A few days later I told Sienna's father I had gotten married. He told me congratulations and later texted "I am happy for you. You deserve it."  I really wasn't expecting him to say anything else. I really didn't care what he thought at that moment.

Deep in my heart I knew I made a mistake. A mistake out of fear and desperation. My husband felt the same way but he just didn't say it directly.We did the best we could to make it work. As Christians we did not want to get a divorce. He had been married for 16 years prior to meeting me and already had a divorce under his belt. This was my first marriage and I didn't want to be a failure. We stayed together for a total of 92 days, we sought counseling, and really did our best before we called it quits. Our issues, our baggage, and not having healed pasts got in the way.We decided to end things before we made a mess of our kids. I felt like an idiot. I felt like a horrible mother. I felt so unworthy and low. The abyss opened up again and few months later like a fool I was back with Sienna's father. It's amazing where low self esteem and not wanting to deal with your issues will lead you.

Have you ever been desperate? Or as the younger generation says, have you ever been thirsty? So thirsty to where nothing could quench it? In John 4:14 Jesus said "But anyone who drinks the water I give will never be thirsty again."  Try Him at his Word. I did and I can truly see a difference in my life. It's been 9 months since I've ended things with Sienna's father and I have no intentions of going back. I'm sorting myself out and focusing on God and my daughter. That's why I blog. Sure loneliness comes. There are days it would be nice to have someone special, but I know I am never alone for He is always with me and will never leave nor desert me (Deuteronomy 31:8)


****Next week Commandment #5 Thou Shall Tame Thy Tongue****

Thou Shall Love Unconditionally

As we continue the series The 10 Commandments of Parenting I would like to thank all of you for your support and encouragement. It is the love of God and family that fuels my desire to see other's lives changed. It is at this time I would like to introduce to you Commandment #3 Thou Shall Love Unconditionally

How many of us can honestly say that we've experienced unconditional love? You know the genuine, heartfelt, no matter what you do or say, no matter what comes our way I am going to love you kind of love. One of my favorite songs when I was a teenager was "Can You Stand The Rain" by New Edition. It was a question that was unanswered all of my life until I built a relationship with Jesus. As a child I only felt loved by my father and step-mom when I was making good grades or not getting into trouble. It was not uncommon for my parents to hold a grudge against me for days or maybe even weeks at time for being disobedient. And people wondered why I was incapable of forming healthy relationships. Well there you go.

I will never forget the time my father found out I had become sexually active as a teenager. Not only did he ground me for a year. Yes people, a whole year! He wouldn't speak to me for weeks. Whenever he would see me he looked at me as if I was the dirt on the bottom of his shoes. As a result I made it my business to be in my room and out of his way whenever he was home. If I heard his car pull into the garage I would immediately stop what I was doing and go into my room. The fact that he hated the sight of me hurt worse than any year long punishment. My step-mom was of no support nor a place of refuge. It seemed as if she enjoyed when my father and I were at odds.

I can't even began to think of anything that Sienna has done or could do to make me withhold love from her. Even on her worst day when she is pushing me to my limit I am still able to punish her with love. She is my child who I birth from my body. To hurt her would hurt me. I don't hold things she has done over her head. I deal with the issue accordingly and we move forward. I can honestly say that she and I do not go to bed angry. Will it always be that way? I am not sure but I hope so.

There are so many things we need to give our children. Unconditional love is one of them. However, it is impossible to give what you have yet to experience for yourself. John 3:16 says "God loved the world so much that He gave His one and only Son so that we could have eternal life." If that isn't the biggest illustration of unconditional love then I don't know what is.

Moms, I urge you. Love your children. Love them the way God loves you. You are the first encounter they will have with The Father. You are the god of their young lives. It is an essential part of parenting that we love unconditionally because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).


****Later this week Commandment #4 Thou Shall Not Be Desperate****

Thou Shall Not Compare

Being a parent can be stressful at times. For some of us single moms that is a true understatement. Working, raising a child alone, and maintaining my home can be overwhelming. Sometimes it seems as if others have it easier than I do and that brings me to Commandment #2: Thou Shall Not Compare.

I don't know about anyone else but Satan loves to attack my mind with doubt and fear. The dialogue used to go like this:

Him: Look at that husband and wife over there. Where's your man?
Me: Dang. I had one shot to get it right and look how I did it.


Him: She's a stay at home mom and doesn't have to work. You are worn out.
Me: Yeah. I wish I didn't have to work. I'm tired all the time.

Him: You know your experience with your step mom was not that great.
Me: Nobody will ever love my daughter as if she is theirs. That's rare.

I think you get my point. I used to get so caught up in comparing my life to others to the point I wasn't thankful for the life I had. As I continue my walk with Christ I've learned to make positive affirmations over my life. That is why we need to read God's Word so that we can say what He says.

When the attacks come I respond in a different way. You wanna know how?

Him: Look at that husband and wife over there. Where's your man/family?
Me: It's all good. We are a family. The two of us! God sent Boaz to Ruth (Book of Ruth) and I know mine is on the way. Wait for it...

Him: She's a stay at home mom and doesn't have to work. You are worn out.
Me: I will not grow weary in my well doing because I will reap my harvest when God sees fit. (Galatians 6:9) Thank You Lord for my career. Some parents can't get jobs but with my education and skills I have options!

Him: You know your experience with your step mom wasn't that great.
Me: I've asked Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Our Provider) for an Ephesians 5 man. Enough said!

Please make no mistake that it's a one and done situation. These are confessions I have to make on the regular; especially if I'm going through a financial struggle or feeling lonely. I have enough self awareness to know that it is at those times I am more likely to compare. I honestly feel as if God grieves when He hears us complain about our lives. Think about how you feel when your child compares the life you provide to their friends'. They sound pretty ungrateful don't they?


****Next week Commandment #3 Thou Shall Love Unconditionally***

Thou Shall Know Thy Child

This post marks the first of  a series I'd like to call The 10 Commandments of Parenting. I'm not a parenting expert nor do I proclaim to be one. However, there are a few principles that I live by when it comes to raising my little one.

The other evening I was having dinner with a friend of mine that I haven't seen in 2 years. She shared with my best friend and I a truly outrageous story my daughter told her. As she told the story I gave my best friend a side ways glance. We both rolled our eyes and said, "That's not true." My friend was so convinced that what my daughter had said was accurate. She kept saying "But that's what she told me. Now why would she say that out of the blue?" All I could do was shake my head. My best friend said, "You don't know her like we do." I know what some of you may be thinking. How could I be so casual about something that clearly has someone else so worked up? First of all, it was not an allegation of abuse nor neglect and second of all I live by Commandment #1: Thou Shall Know Thy Child.

Sienna has always been one who loves to get reactions out of people. She thrives on being the center of attention and is very aware of how to go about getting it. This is the same child who at 5 years old told me she wanted to be an actress and that she is going to live in L.A and New York. Here we are 3 years later and she still hasn't changed her confession. I taught her early to speak into existence what she desires (Romans 4:17).

I'm a parent who is not in denial about her child and attention seeking behavior. She's an only child of a single mother; it is kind of par for the course. Since I am aware of this I am doing my due diligence and working with The Father to get her on the right track. When I stop and think I can honestly say that I've seen serious progress with my big girl. Will the desire for attention ever leave her? I doubt it. She just needs to be taught what kind of attention should be desired.

It is critical that parents really know their children and to be honest about their behavior. I hear parents say often, "My child would never do/say that?" and then that same child makes them out of a liar. I've seen it time and time again parents will go to the school and get upset with the teachers when their child has misbehaved. I tell the teachers up front that my daughter is a character and can be a class clown, especially if she is bored. When Sienna is disciplined for disruptive behavior I know she deserves it and I back it up accordingly (Proverbs 29:17). Why...because I know my child.

****Later this week Commandment #2 Thou Shall Not Compare****

Keep It Moving

I never saw myself not being with the father of my child. I did not have the blessing of growing up with happily married parents. I've never even had my parents at the same dinner table.  I couldn't understand why? But God has a way of providing me with the much needed answers that my folks could not give.

I met my daughter's father 8 years ago. It was the typical, woman meets man (I use both terms loosely), they date over a period of time, woman thinks she's found the one, and soon thereafter here comes baby. Unfortunately, there was no happily ever after. Is there really ever? Things began to unravel by my third trimester. I knew we weren't going to make it. So I prepped myself as best as I could to be a single a mom. It was the best move I could have ever made. The drama of living near her father daily was more than I could handle. He was barely coming to see us. It was as if she did not exist. Something had changed, he wasn't communicating and I was furious. I felt like used toilet paper to put it lightly. When he did come around I had a nasty attitude and we argued.

 One night we were arguing. Sienna, who was 6 months old, was in her carrier on the floor between us and she started to cry.  He threw the key to my place on the table and walked out. Did he just break up with me? I comforted my crying child and in that moment I knew I had to put some distance between us. At 3:00 am on a Monday night I called my dad and told him I wanted to move back home to South Carolina. I told my daughter's father I was going to be gone by the end of the week. He didn't ask why. He didn't ask me to stay. He acted like he didn't care. I spent the entire week packing my apartment while caring for an infant who had the flu. He did nothing to help. To be honest I didn't expect nor want him to for a number of reasons. What he did do was cry on my shoulder on our last night in town and asked that I not let our daughter forget about him. I can honestly say that I felt absolutely no emotion. I had no remorse for taking my daughter away from him. I was a woman on a mission. In my mind I was on my own as a first time mother and  it was do or die time.

 Even after moving away I still maintained an on again and off again relationship with my daughter's father out  fear. Fear of loneliness. Fear of having my baby girl around a new man. Fear of being like my parents. Fear of the future and the unknown. I can't tell you how many times I heard that I never gave him a chance to be a father and that I just took the baby away. He played off those fears and I allowed it. Yes, folks we must be self accountable. I can't cast all blame on him. My father, who calls it like he sees it, told me, "You really need to leave him alone. One of these days you are going thank him for the sperm and you will go on about your business."  I must admit I was hurt when he said that. Against my better judgement I set out to prove him wrong. Well, he ended up being right.

We lived in South Carolina for 7 years when things started changing for me career wise. Sienna hated being away from her father and so did I. It also seemed as if we were in a pretty decent place in our relationship. I had been planning on moving back to Florida anyway for reasons other than him. So I put my home on the market and set out for the Sunshine State. Please make no mistake. This move was not like the last one. I've learned to pray about things before putting plans into motion. There were so many concerns. Was I making a mistake? Will we really be the family I always wanted to have? Will we really make it against all odds?  God's word says we shouldn't worry about anything pray and tell the Father what we need (Philippians 4:6-7). Well, I needed peace and clarity. I asked and that's exactly what I got. A few days before moving God let me know that we weren't going to make it as a family. I knew that I was really moving back to Florida to close a door that I left wide open almost 8 years ago and I was at peace with that. Around 2 months after my move I saw that time had stood still for my daughter's father. He was exactly the same person he was when I had my daughter. The arguing, the sneakiness, and the drama were still present in his life. I was above that mess and my child deserved better. Thank God I didn't move in with him because one night I sat calmly on his bed and broke it off for good.

My journey reminds me of the story of Lot’s wife (Genesis 19:1-26). Sodom was a city that was corrupt with sexual immorality (my relationship with my child's father). Things were so out of control God decided to destroy it. Prior to doing so He told Lot to get his family together and leave because destruction was coming. God not only gave a warning but He gave specific instructions as well. God told them where to go for safety and He told them to not look back. Lot’s wife disobeyed and when she looked back she turned into a pillar of salt. I had spent so many years looking back! I couldn't believe that I gave someone almost a decade of my life who really didn't deserve it. It has been 9 months since the final break up. I'm still here, right on the other side of town. He deals with Sienna when it suits him and his schedule. As I said before, my father was right. I have truly thanked him for my daughter and I have officially moved on with my life. So much growth has occurred since that day. Doors and opportunities have come my way that I may have missed had I been wallowing in the past. Who knew? I have come to learn that there is reward in obedience to God. Looking back is not even an option for me. Life is moving forward. It is important to forget what is in the past and look towards the future (Philippians 3:13). I am not implying that we shouldn't learn from our past, only a fool wouldn't do so. What I am saying is we should get the lesson and get out.

What is stopping you from moving forward with your life? Are you constantly looking in life’s rear view mirror at what could have been or what used to be?  Are you hanging on to a relationship for the sake of your child(ren) though it's not God's best for neither of you? You won’t turn into salt if you stay stuck in your past but you will miss out on many blessings for your life. Breaking up is hard to do but you have to keep it moving.

Excuse Me. Can You Spare Some Time?

As a child my parents never spent a lot of time with me. They were too busy with their own lives, personal issues and careers. They made sure I never wanted for anything material but I starved for their attention. It wasn't until 2009 I learned one of my love languages is quality time. No wonder there was a huge void in my life for so long. When I became a mother I promised God that more than anything I could provide for my daughter I was going to be sure to give my time.

Sienna will be 8 years old in a few weeks. For 8 years it has been just us two. For a while I was not thrilled, unhappy, and actually thought I did her an injustice by being a single mom. Looking at us now God has surely made things work for my good (Romans 8:28) Since it’s been just the two of us we have been able to form the bond that I did not have with my mother. We do so much together and have an open and honest line of communication. As a result of being this kind of mother I can have an adult life outside of her and not feel guilty. It’s healthy to have balance.

I will never forget an encounter I had 3 years ago while I was shopping on lunch break. I had just enough time to make my purchases and grab some lunch. I was so focused on getting to my next stop I missed an opportunity to be of service to an older lady when she asked for help. She asked me if I knew where the petite section was. I politely told her that I wasn't sure and smiled. The lady apologized for having thought I worked there. But God being the God of second chances offered me another opportunity.

As I hurriedly looked at the clothes I noticed a young girl coming towards me. She was very tall, had an atheletic build and looked scared to death. The girl approached me and said, “I graduate from high school in three hours and I need to find a dress.” Without a thought in my head I sprang into action. This poor child had no idea as to what size dress she wore. She told me size 6…she wore a 12. Her phone kept ringing and with each text and call she became frustrated. She wanted to cry. The young lady told me that it was her grandmother and aunt calling to see if she had found a dress. To make matters worse her older brother purposely kept suggesting not so flattering dresses, so he could get a laugh. She was under so much pressure and was about to crack. I told her not to worry and that we would find something.

While searching the racks we exchanged names and talked about school, her career of choice, and how she never wears dresses. She seemed to relax more. Eventually I asked where were the relatives that kept calling. She said they were out of town about an hour away. I didn't say anything but I became very sad for her. This was her first and only high school graduation and there was no one with her to ensure she was ready. I looked at her hair, it was as if she had just taken off a baseball cap. It was obvious that no one had taken time to teach her. I thought, Where is this child’s mother? I have to help her. In Matthew 25:40 Jesus stated “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”

We completed our shopping on time. She was very happy and grateful for my help. The young lady reached out to hug me and when I embraced her I felt an all too familiar feeling. She held me tight and thanked me. I wished her luck and we went our separate ways.

As I type this post tears are streaming down my face. If I had died just one year later when the doctors gave up on me that could have been my child. How many times have you been too busy to help? If it doesn’t affect you do you not get involved? Maybe as a parent you need to spend more time with your child(ren). Surfing the internet on your smartphone while your child watches t.v. is not quality time. If you disagree, just ask them. I'm sure they will tell you the same. We have to remember that life is short and we should make the most of everyday that we have.


Be The Best To Get The Best

   
 Have you ever wondered when it was going to be your turn at something? Do you ever ask: When am I going to get married? When am I going to get a promotion/job? I am pretty sure these and other things are your concern just as much as they are mine. Often times we get so caught up in wanting and waiting for God's best. That's all fine and dandy but what are you doing to ready yourself in the process? In 2009 the question I asked was, God when are You going to send the right person in my life? I didn't get the answer I was expecting. I was told that it wasn't the time and in fact it was going to be a while. At first it was not very encouraging because that was the LAST thing I wanted to hear but I asked God for understanding because Ephesians 5:17 prompts us to not be foolish but to understand what the Lord's will is.

He let me know that who He has planned for my life will be His absolute best. After all my Father's plans are to prosper me and not to harm me (Jeremiah 29:11). And If indeed I am to receive His best I have to become His best. It was pretty selfish of me to ask for something that I wasn't. I know some of you are thinking that I was little hard on myself. Actually I wasn't, if you really knew me before my growth in Christ, I was a far cry from a Proverbs 31 woman. We should all take some time and do a little personal inventory. You will be surprised at what you will and won't find. WARNING: This is not for the weak, timid, and faint at heart (which all of us are outside of Him). I suggest you let Jesus be your guide.

It has been revealed to me over the years that God has already placed the right people in my life and for now that is all that I need. Since starting this wonderful journey with Christ, He has allowed my life to be graced with so many wonderful people. It is through these relationships I am able to become God's best. Proverbs 27:17 states Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Be mindful of the company you keep. Once again take inventory; some people may need to be purged from your life. It is so easy to hold onto what is familiar even if it's not healthy or helpful.

   

P31 To Be

During my morning work out I noticed a father riding his bike with his toddler son in tow. I thought it was very sweet that they were spending quality time together and he was demonstrating the importance of taking care of his body. As I continued to walk behind them the smell of cigarette smoke filled the air. The father was smoking. Me being a former smoker I was not quick to pass judgement on him. Instead God pressed upon my heart to think about what mixed messages I may be sending my child.

Nothing is more important to me that I raise my daughter to be a Proverbs 31 woman. In a nutshell this type of woman is one who loves the Lord, is patient, humble, cares for her family, and honors her husband. Though I have shown increased patience I still have some ways to go with truly honoring the men in my life.

As I navigate this winding road of co-parenting God has recently opened my eyes to the fact that I am not setting the best example for my little girl. My father raised me to be an independent, take charge type of lady. I will never forget his words to me upon learning I was pregnant. He said, "That's why you have a good education. You can take care of yourself." Given my natural tendency to want to be in control I took his words to heart.

Fast forward eight years I find myself being rather difficult to co-parent with.  If  Sienna's father doesn't do something to my liking there's an issue and I make no bones about it. As much as I try to shield her from our parental disagreements, it doesn't always work. I find myself showing her the exact opposite of honoring the future man in her life as well as her father. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see that this is not good.

I'm so thankful for God's grace. He truly corrects those He loves (Proverbs 3:12). Once again my attention has been called to a blind spot in my life. This is another lesson in learning that I don't have to rise to every presumed challenge. Should a situation warrant addressing I need to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and trust God to be my enforcer.

In My Shoes

Seeing your child hurting is one of the hardest things a parent can endure. The effects are even greater when the pain is a direct result of a decision on your part. Growing up I was merciless on my parents. Though I was not naive to the countless sacrifices they made on my behalf; I was however unaware of the guilt and the pain they may have felt when things did not turn out the way they anticipated. Everyday I realize more and more that my parents did the best they could with the tools they had.

When you are a single parent you feel as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Being the sole financial provider and emotional support for your child can seem like more than any one person can handle. Every decision big or small can render life or death. The choices are endless, from choosing a companion (if any at all) to deciding where to plant your roots. They are not easy that is why much prayer is required.

 If you are anything like me you may struggle with the guilt that many single mothers feel. Granted Sienna's life is filled with much love and acceptance; I am not foolish to ignore the impact of some of my decisions. Hind sight is truly 20/20. Please make no mistake that one should feel sorry for me. As my grandmother so blatantly put it, I've made my bed hard so I must lie in it. I'm not even saying single mothers deserve a pat on the back or special consideration. For I know in my heart that God's plan for my life is far greater than my past mistakes (Jeremiah 29:11) and that is all the acknowledgement and reassurance that I need. When feelings of doubt creep into my mind, when I feel a decision is one of the most epic fails of all time, I thank God for His grace because His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

As parents some of us spend all of our lives painting a picture of perfection. Children need to know we make mistakes too. Of course they do not need to know all of the details, only what's age appropriate, and things they will understand. Our babies need to hear the words, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake." Be vulnerable and ask for their forgiveness if it is required. Teach them accountability by demonstrating it. Let your life be a sermon to them because before you know it they will be walking in your shoes.

Rest For The Weary

My relaxing dream of napping on the back of a cruise ship is annoyingly interrupted by the blaring sound of my alarm clock. "It's morning already? It feels like I just went to sleep." Turning over I come face to face with my snoring 7 year old who crept into my bed in the middle of the night. Of course she is sleeping soundly and has no intentions of waking up. After all it's only a weekday and we do not have anywhere to go. That could not be farther from the truth. I pull myself together, take my morning medication, which I sometimes forget, and give my sleeping girl a kiss on the cheek. I am quickly met with resistance. She whispers, "Five more minutes Mommy." For the sake of a few more minutes of peace I give in.

Once Sienna is awake she looks at the activities for the day at summer camp. This determines her attitude for the morning and it can be hit or miss. Getting dressed can be a daunting task, nothing fits, and she can't find her socks. Our mornings can be filled with so much drama. Did you know she won an Oscar for her leading role in "Mom I Just Don't Want To Go To Camp Today"?  Don't get me wrong every morning isn't like this. In fact the majority of them go off without a hitch. Nor is this a post to bash my little one. I am merely offering a transparent look into the day of a mother. A mother who does not have a spouse or anyone else to pinch hit for her.

As we drive to camp Sienna is operating on all eight cylinders and wants to play 21 questions as well as have a math bee. After the morning melee I can't want to drop her off so I can work out. Working out is not only for my health and physique, but it's my alone time with God. I know you are probably thinking, at least I get to work out and I should not be complaining. This has not always been the case. With prompting from the Lord I took two months off to focus on myself and my daughter and the pay off has been tremendous.

After my workout I do not have the luxury of going to hang out at home. There's always something to be done. Grocery shopping, washing clothes, paying bills, cleaning the house, and cooking dinner. The list goes on and on. I may make it half way through my tasks when I realize it's almost time to pick Sienna up from camp. I take a breather and prepare myself to switch into mommy mode as I drive. Back in the car Sienna is full of energy and telling me about her day. After dinner, she takes her bath, and we play board games or watch t.v. until bedtime. Going to bed is as much trouble as waking up sometimes. It requires a story, much coaxing, and more protesting than a Civil Rights sit in. Once Sienna is asleep I'm exhausted and soon it will be time to do it all again.

I've been a single mom since day one with very little help from anyone. I've maintained a successful career as well as my household. People often ask how do I get it done. I simply tell them that I don't. God does it. When I stop to think about all that I do on a daily basis I know it is not me. Everything I do is because God gives me strength (Philippians 4:13)

Parenting With A Healthy Self Esteem

As parents we want what is best for our children. Some of us break our backs trying to afford the best clothing, education, and gadgets. I have even had a parent tell me how rich their child is going to be when they die due to the amount of life insurance they have. I used to think that all of the above things were necessary for Sienna to be happy and healthy; but as always God changed my way of thinking. Other than The Word of God, the most important thing I can impart unto my daughter is self esteem. Some of you may not have had to suffer from poor self-esteem and this topic may be foreign to you. However, chances are that you know someone who does. Hopefully this will help you understand them better.

Growing up my father always compared me to one of my older brothers. I don’t think any harm was meant. He just wanted me to do and be my very best. Unfortunately he had an unhealthy way of ensuring it. The comparison to a sibling of the opposite sex along with other childhood events had damaging effects and my self esteem suffered as a result. There were many days in which I never felt “good enough”. I was unsure as to who I was and who I needed to be. For years I sought my identity in things and misguided relationships. Deep in my heart I knew that something was wrong. I felt hollow and lifeless. I was just going through the motions and I was really miserable. Believe me when I tell you, hurting people hurt people. Sometimes I was aware of it, most of the time I was not.

Only a few people dared to tell me the truth about myself. I was often told to “grow up” and that I was “selfish”. I was even told that I thought I was better than everyone else. At that time I wrote them off as haters, in retrospect they were right. I had an over inflated ego to compensate for my low self esteem and I did not even know it. Romans 12:3 says that we should never think more highly of ourselves. It is hard to see your true self when you don’t like what you see. I spent the majority of my adult life trying fill voids and seeking the approval of people who did not even matter in the grand scheme of things. In my office I stumbled upon a poem by Mother Theresa that ended by saying “You see in the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” If only I had known this years ago; but then again if I did I would not be who I am today. I am so thankful for God’s emotional healing. Without it I would not be able to show Sienna what it means to love and respect herself. It is imperative that she knows that she was created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27).

When I stand before God on the day of judgment I believe that I will not only be asked what did I do with my life (Romans 14:12). I think I will be asked what did I do with the life that God entrusted in my care and that is the life of my child. Are you prepared to answer that question? Maybe you do not have daughters. Perhaps you have sons. Their self esteem is just as important. Loving God and themselves is just as important as learning how to hunt, fish, or fight. Who do you think grows up and marries the little girls?
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