Marathon of Life

The other day a friend of mine sent me an encouraging e-mail and it was right on time. The e-mail stated that life is not a 50-yard dash but a marathon. It did not go into detail as how life is like a marathon. I am glad that it didn’t because it gave me something to think about all week. I have never ran a marathon before and I really have no interest in doing so. I am more of a sprinter. I am a let’s get ‘er done person. When I ran track in high school I was usually the fourth leg/runner in the 4 X 100 meter relays. In order to be selected for this position the following qualities are most desirable: 1st or 2nd fastest runner on the team, disciplined in the exchange zone because the excitement and tension will be at its peak (can’t afford to mess up), mentally tough, competitive, and loves to run people down. I am proud to say that I am thankful for the abilities God has given me. I may not be that high school runner but I still have the frame of mind. However, when it comes to doing life, let's just say speed is not a helpful attribute. At least for me it isn’t.

This past week I spent time pondering the ways life is like a marathon and this is what I came up with. A marathon is 26.2 miles so you know when it will be over. However a person’s life span on Earth is variable. Just like a marathon is ran one step at time, we live life one day at a time and this is the perspective we must strive to keep so that we do not get overwhelmed. In order to run a marathon preparation has to be done. Training is very important and it is not easy. Then again neither is life. You have to motivate yourself, prioritize, keep a good pace (did I mention I am a sprinter), set reasonable goals, and have patience (my coach used to say this is a virtue I needed to posses). As I continue to grow I see how God is causing circumstances in my life to produce the desired characteristics of a marathon runner. Training days are not always fun and sometimes it seems easier to sit on the sidelines…but I don’t want to miss out on the victory dance! I refuse to give up and give out.

Ecclesiastes 9:11 says the race is not to the swift  so that let's me know that life is truly a marathon. What type of runner are you? Do you find yourself trying to sprint to the finish line of life? Or are you taking your time, pacing yourself, and enjoying the scenery along the way?

Draw Near

The most recent discussion on Right To R.E.A.L Love Radio is titled "The RIGHT Way to Pursue a Woman". Jay, Isaiah, and Jamie really paint an accurate picture of God's purpose for men, women, and relationships. While listening I thought about a blog post I wrote back in 2011. Enjoy!

I used to love watching Dukes of Hazard when I was younger. My favorite character was Rosco P. Coltrane. It tickled my soul when he would shout that he was in “hot pursuit” and the chase would be on. As I grew older and became interested in dating I lost interest for Sheriff Coltrane’s type of pursuit. Isn’t it every woman’s desire to be pursued? It’s one of the things that makes us feel desirable and pretty. Lately, I’ve noticed that I am being pursued by God. That’s right. I am being pursued by God and I like it.

Last month I was telling one of my best friends about a situation that I had been dealing with. As I talked about the issue God revealed to me that I still harbored ill feelings towards the person who wronged me. I looked at my friend and said, “I don’t think I have forgiven them. If so I would not keep bringing it up.” I went on to say that I was owed an apology in order for things to ever be right again. Those were my feelings and I was going to stick to them no matter what. I felt justified because I was not angry with the individual and did not want payback. All I wanted was an apology. Was that too much to ask for? My friend and I got into the car and I turned on the radio in search of a good sermon. I found one! It was about forgiveness and coming to realization that it is not for the other person but for you and that an apology may never be received. I looked at my friend and said, “I think God is speaking to me.” Her jaw dropped.

For the past month I’ve noticed God has been pursuing me through my car radio. He knows that I spend 6 hours of my day riding in my car. It’s as if he wants to be sure I receive his Word. When I listen to the sermons on the radio they all seem to relate to whatever I am struggling with in my life. When it first started happening I thought it was a coincidence. But I had to remember there are no coincidences nor accidents with God. These sermons were purposeful communication from The Father to me. I realized this one afternoon as I was finishing up my work day. There was yet another sermon just for me. It was then God spoke to my heart, “I am pursuing you and I will never stop.“ I was overwhelmed and began to cry. I thought, who I am that God would actually take the time to chase after me. Out of all of the people He has created, the Most High is concerned with what is going on in my life at this very moment. I felt desired, loved, and treasured. Now whenever I get into the car and God has a sermon for me (which is 3 out of 5 days) I smile and say “God’s on the radio again.” And I ride with Him all day.

Have you ever thought about what it is like to be pursued by the Lord? He wants your attention and will show up in the most unlikely places to get it. James 4:8 tells us to draw near to God and He will draw near to us.

Prosperity...It's Not What You Think

Last weekend Hosanna Hospice Consultants, LLC had the blessed opportunity to provide services for the first time. It was an unexpected call but then again it wasn't. When I woke up I was physically tired. It was a long work week. I started talking to God, I told Him that I was tired but I didn't want to spend the whole day in bed. I wanted to get out and do something but not just any ole thing. Shortly thereafter I received a call asking me to come out and support a family whose father was dying. Death was imminent and they were alone. It was surely something to do and I couldn't wait.

Once there I was able to help the family along the emotional journey as their father, whom they called "the best dad in the world", transitioned into eternal life. With God I was able to give them the comfort of knowing it was alright for them to leave his bedside while I sit with him so he did not die alone. It had been years since I last provided end of life support and it felt good to back.

A few days after this experience I was listening to Jay Mayo and Sly Young on Right To Real Love Radio. In the episode "Recommit To God" Sly gave his definition of prosperity and I surely shouted with joy when I heard it. He said prosperity was being able to get a man to open up and show vulnerability in front of his peers. I was truly blown away when Sly said that was a prosperous moment for him. I couldn't help but think that's exactly how I feel while helping families whose loved ones are dying. For so long prosperity meant a world of wealth and good health for me and mine. Since God has given me the blessing of Hosanna it means so much more.

I listened to the Sly's episode again. You can hear in his voice how thankful he is and how intentional he is about living his life to the fullest. He truly desires to give and because of this I am so thankful Sly did not take his life. We need more selfless people like him in this world. We need more people who are going to make a difference and think outside of themselves.

What's your definition of prosperity? Is it all about you and yours? Well, it's not. It's about what you are allowing God to do through you. How is your life advancing God's kingdom? I would like to invite you to check out the show. It is truly an amazing discussion. Sly's openness and appreciation for life are felt in every word he speaks.  Please click the link and be sure to show Jay and Sly some R.E.A.L love.

The Best Days Are Ahead

What do you think of when you hear the word "balance"? Some of you may think of a scale. While others may think of an acrobat on a high wire. For me life in general comes to mind. When you're a parent, especially a single one, there are so many hats to wear. I am a cook, a therapist, a nurse, a playmate, the tooth fairy...the list can go on and on. I'm not going to lie, I really don't miss my childless days. However, I am looking forward to an empty nest. I bet you're thinking I'm just saying that because I'm tired of having to do it alone. You may feel that way yourself. Let me reassure that couldn't be further from the truth. Having Sienna  causes me to keep building a relationship with God and mature in many ways. This helps me to live a balanced life. As a result I am a much better parent.

Why am so I'm enthused about the future? I am excited because I can't wait to see what Sienna is going to grow to be. She was baptized a few Sundays ago. It was her choice and she completely understands the meaning. Sienna is so loving, creative, and talented. Her plans are to be a teacher, get married and have 4 children. I'm pretty sure all of that will change a thousand times before she turns 18. I am also aware that they are her plans and The Lord may say otherwise. We really have no idea what the future holds but it's nice to dream. I actually pray for her husband regularly. I hope he's a man of God who will lead and protect her.

Being that Sienna is only nine, I know we  have a long way to go. It's just that time passes so fast. It really does feel like yesterday that I could fit all 6lbs 8oz of her on my chest. I look at her baby pictures sometimes just as a reminder of how far we've come. It's been a hard, fun, scary, and amazing journey. Each day we press on trying to make the next day better than the previous one even if it's something small.

Are you dreading your child growing up? Are you agonizing over the day they move out or start dating?  Please don't. As parents we should encourage them to grow. Allow them to take healthy risks. Let them make mistakes. They need to learn to trust their own judgement. We won't be around forever and we can't stop Father Time. Besides why would you want to? So get excited. Start making some plans and set them before The Lord and see what He has in store. (1 Corinthians 2:9)

WPOV-Is Chilvary Dead?

All too often I hear women say, "Chilvary is dead and men aren't what they used to be." Well the ladies and I explored the topic and it would bring me great joy if you listened to it.

Part1 http://righttoreallove.com/wpov-chivalry-part1/

Part2 http://righttoreallove.com/wpov-chivalry-part2/

Part 3 http://righttoreallove.com/wpov-chivalry-part3/

Are You Choosing Your Own Adventure

          How many times have you said the following: "I shoulda_____, I coulda____I woulda____." I used to say this a lot. Often times we realize a number of options we could have or should have taken instead of the action that we actually took. As I was going over some recent events in my mind James 1:2-4 interrupted my thoughts. It says to be thankful for the trials you go through because the testing of your faith develops perseverance and in order for you to be mature and complete and not lacking in anything because perseverance is needed to get you to that point. I must admit I thought, Who in their right mind would be thankful for a problem? But as I pondered the rest of the verse I realized that every trial I have been through has been worth it in the end. I have always come out of the situation better than I went in and I would not change it for the world!

           When things get uncomfortable in life especially due to decisions we have made we spend so much time playing back the tape in our minds trying to predict a different outcome. We wish life was one of those Choose Your Own Adventure books. For those of you who do not know what those are let me hip you to something good. A Choose Your Own Adventure book was my absolute favorite when I was in the 5th grade. It  was like having three books in one because you are able choose the way the story unfolds from middle to end. For instance if it's an action adventure book and the main character gets captured by his nemesis you could A) have him escape B) have him imprisoned or C) have him rescued. The story then continued based upon the option you chose. Ha! I knew you would like it. Unfortunately life is not a choose your own adventure book. We can make choices but we don't  always know what the outcome will be and there are definitely no alternate endings once the decision has been made.

          "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..." (See Jeremiah 1:5). When I read this verse I am reminded of how well my Father knows me. He knows what I am going to do and what my reactions will be in every situation I face. How grateful we should be that God knows us so well. When we are stumbling along this life choosing our own adventures instead of allowing him to guide us; He makes provisions for us to grow from our mistakes. How awesome is that?

        So it is with sincerity I ask that you turn off your minds to your past mistakes and poor decisions. We should forget what is behind and press toward the future (See Philippians 3:13). I once heard someone say that today is a gift...that's why it is called the "present". Be blessed.

Love Life

It's been a few weeks since I've posted. Life gets so busy at times but I can't neglect what I've started.
More important I can't forget those of you who benefit from what I go through. For years I thought my situations were unique. I just knew the perfect family was out there. I totally knew that there  was a fairy tale waiting just for me. My happy ending was just around the corner to right the wrongs in my life. I am so thankful to know that life is no fairy tale but it sure is good.

Daily I talk to people who are so sick to the point they are begging God to take them. I take care of young people who have met unfortunate fates and will never physically be the same. You come to appreciate your circumstances. Not only that you get a sense of your purpose in life. We are not here to satisfy our own agendas and going outside of yourself is an amazing thing.

The world is full of hurting people. Every body is dealing with something. If you say you're not just wait. That's the way life goes. My question is why is it so hard to lift somebody else up sometimes? Is it because we need it ourselves? When it happens trust and believe you will be lifted up also. If not in that moment you better believe it's coming. Proverbs 27:17 is a scripture that often comes to my mind.  It says as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. I want us to honestly ask ourselves. What have I recently done for someone else without being asked, compensated, or without strings attached? If you struggle to recall it's never to late to start.

What's The Hold Up?

I tell people who don't have children that motherhood is not for the faint at heart. As our kids get older they move further and further away from our protection. Don't get me wrong this is a good thing. I want Sienna to be fearless, to stand on her own and be self assured. She will only gain these attributes through experience. However, some experiences I feel she can do without.

The other day I let Sienna go to the store with a family friend and some other members of our family. At first when Sienna asked me to go I almost said no because I have a tendency to be over protective. It's not like she was going with strangers. Besides she really needs to learn to go places without me. We do almost everything together. Though I am thankful for our bond I want to be sure she maintains a healthy attachment to me and the separation anxiety that she is prone to feel is kept to a minimum. So I checked with her dad to make sure it was fine with him. He gave the green light and we sent her on her way. Just as they were heading to the car a sense of fear and anxiety came over me. I wanted to run outside and stop them but what reason would I have given? Instead I told them to be safe and prayed. I didn't know what I was feeling in my spirit but it wasn't right and asked that God protect them.

Some time had passed. I just knew they should have been back. They were only going to the corner store. I wasn't worried per se just concerned. I had honestly put my anxiety in God's hands and left it there just as Philippians 4:6 encourages us to do. However, I still wondered what was taking so long.

Just as I finished my thought Sienna comes running through the door. "Guess what happened Mom!" She proceeded to tell me while they were there one of the customers pulled a gun on the clerk over five lousy bucks. I couldn't believe what I was hearing but then again I could. The Holy Spirit let me know that something was amiss before they left. I immediately started praising God once again for His divine protection over them all. The beautiful part is not only did He protect them physically but  emotionally as well.

 It's been a week since the incident. Sienna sleeps just fine, her appetite is unchanged, and she doesn't even talk about it nor is it eating her up inside. It's a distant memory. My child is resilient like her parents and I am grateful for that. You see she understands the power of God in her life. Sienna professes regularly that she has an angel that's with her all the time. She even tells me that I have one too. A few days before the incident in the store I told her I would be too scared to go parasailing. Her response with great conviction was, "Not me because with God on my side I know I will come back alive." Touché.

It's natural to want to protect your kids. Some of us want to put them in a jar labeled "look but do not touch" as if they are rare butterflies. This my friends is an unhealthy approach. My parents did it this way and it didn't stop a thing. If anything it only prolonged the inevitable and I learned many of life's lessons way late. I don't fault my folks. They did their best. Truthfully, we have to trust God with our children. He knows the number of their days anyway. It's a unpleasant thought but it is a reality that we should stay aware of.

Sinking In Sin?

Out of all the exams one can take I can't stand multiple choice tests. When I am not sure of myself the various choices can be overwhelming. My first thought is to go with my gut but then I change my mind and talk myself out it. This has really caused me to look at life's situations and see where I am ignoring my gut. It's wonderful how God will always guide you. All you have to do is ask.

Every day we have so many choices we can make. You know that little thing called free will. Every second of every day  there are other forces at work...other voices that can speak into our lives. We have to be careful as to which one we give ear to. If you are allowing something to draw you away from God you can turn it around. It's never too late. Some things are easier said than done though and sound better in theory. I get it. Trust me. I wouldn't doubt if everybody at some point in their lives has had this battle. It's not a fun one either. But you are not alone.

During times like this I can relate to Paul in Romans 7:15-26 when he was discussing how he felt about the sin in his life. When I read the passage I can feel the angst leaping off the page. However, in the last verse he thanks God for Jesus Christ who is powerful to save us all (Romans 7:25). This should serve as reminder of  hope, salvation, and redemption.

Are You Lost

I was thinking about a bumper sticker that I saw once. It read, " If you are following me you are lost too." It made thought about the way we should live our lives as Christians. It is so easy to go through the day not giving thought to the fact that we are representatives of Jesus. We have to make a conscious effort on the daily to tune our minds to that idea. Just as we put on our name tags or ID badges for our jobs, when we get baptized into the family of Christ that is our new identity. It tells the world who we are and who we belong to. I feel we immediately become leaders as we follow Jesus. And we are to be winners of souls (Proverbs 11:30).

I have been a morning person all of my life. No matter how late I get to bed I usually can get right up on time without an alarm clock. As of late that hasn’t been the case. In the morning I hit the snooze for 45 minutes and as I lay there I tell God, “The only way I can get out of this bed is if you get me out and I mean it. I need you!” I get moving with the morning routine. By the time I get Sienna to school I am tired again and could really go back to bed but that is not an option. I must forge ahead. As I drive to my destination I meditate asking God to not only give me the energy to get through the day but the ability to do it with good cheer. I have to ask for the good cheer part because I can be a beast when I am tired. Now that I know myself, I can reign myself in before it becomes a problem. This took time to learn. If I was tired and grouchy I did not care who felt the wrath. It was all about me, and I was this way not too long ago as a newly baptized Christian.

In 1 Corinthians 11:1 Paul says to the church “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” Wherever we go we are being watched or listened to. Some are watching because they truly look up to us and some are watching in hopes we stumble so they can have something to talk about. Either way we should conduct ourselves the way Paul has urged us. I want others to see God in me as I exercise patience and self control on the mornings I am most fatigued. I don’t want the lost to follow my foolish actions and end up further off course than they already are.

Here are a few sayings my grandmother used to say to us grandchildren when we got into trouble. I think they would make good bumper stickers: You are the blind leading the blind. If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything. What does the bumper sticker of your life say about you?

Closed For Renovations

 
(image courtesy of therealshilachblogspot.com)

                      
When was the last time you went to your favorite restaurant or store to see it all boarded up with a sign that said Closed For Renovations. Sometime ago that place for me was the salon where I get my eyebrows waxed. The bad part was there was no reopen date. That was some serious inconvenience because I don’t just let anybody get in my face or hair.

As I continue to walk with the Lord I find that there are periods along my journey when I have to re-prioritize and refocus on what is really important. I think this is something that everyone should do regularly. It is so easy to get side tracked in life. For me God is not a one time experience and then I have Him. I have to constantly seek Him. While doing so I stumble off the path. However, I know my Father’s voice now so I am able to hear when He tells me to shut down shop and get it together before I crash and burn. I have also learned to listen to him sooner than I used to as well.

What types of changes should be going on while one is being renovated? Here are some of the areas in my life that I pay special attention to.
1) Motives/Actions- Why do I do what I do? Is it for the glory of me or the glory of God? I am competitive by nature. What can I say, I love a good challenge. Because of this it is easy for my motives to become skewed in some situations. Before I know it I am more focused with winning rather than letting God get the credit. Philippians 2:3 that tells us we should not do anything out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Sounds like it is right on time for me.
2) Control- Am I really allowing God’s will in ALL areas of my life? One of my former pastors said that we often tell God when, where, and how much He should meddle in our lives. I never realized that is what I am doing with my refusal to give up control. I need to learn to say “Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matt 26:39).
3) Desires- Psalm 34:7 tells us to delight ourselves in the Lord and He will give us the desires of our heart. Notice that we are to delight ourselves in the Lord. Sometimes I can get so caught up in what I desire for my life until it works it’s way at the top of my list, right next to God. That’s bad for business.

The other day I was passing by my favorite salon and saw that it had reopened. I couldn’t wait to check it out. It looked like a totally new place. The ambiance was fabulous and so relaxing. The renovations truly paid off. In fact the inconvenience I experienced was minor in the grand scheme of things.
Is it time for you to reevaluate your life? Are you in need of a little spring cleaning? Don’t wait for the next self induced storm to crop up before you realize where you are going wrong.

Some Children Should Be Seen And Not Heard

The saddest thing happened to me today. While walking in a park with my BFF we came upon the local middle school. As we walked by my friend said, "Did you hear that?" I didn't know what she was talking about until I heard a group of middle school girls calling us the "b word" just beyond the fence while at PE. My friend honestly couldn't believe her ears. Unfortunately I wasn't the least bit shocked. I've been hearing from my daughter about the foul mouth kids have these days. Not only did they cuss us but one of the girls was yelling about the size of her boyfriend's penis while referring to him as her "man" and using the slang term for penis.

 Seriously, language like that was coming from the mouths of little girls. As we strolled on ignoring them the whole while, they got louder and louder. It was as if they were trying to get a reaction out of us. Eventually their taunts turned into all out screams. It was utter chaos and disgusting. My friend and I looked at each other and shook our heads and talked about how we wish we could give them a good ole fashion attitude adjustment. I'm sure the teachers at the school would've appreciated it.

Growing up I was taught to respect my elders. I had to listen to them. If they told me to stand on my head in a mud hole I better had done it without question. I would have never thought in my wildest years to hurl obscenities at two strange adults; not only out of fear of my parents but out of concern for my safety. Those girls had no idea as to who we were or what we were capable of. Thank God we are rational adults and chose to pray for them instead.

I know we can't control everything our children say/do but I just couldn't help but think what type of guidance or lack there of is in the homes of these girls. Parents have to realize that we are raising the future. What we plant in them today will bloom tomorrow (Titus 2:1-15) Don't let your kids grow up to become a boil on the rear of society. Monitor their friends, music, and what they watch on tv (Luke 11:34; Isaiah 33:15-16). As an adult I have noted an increase in inner peace since I stopped watching garbage tv. I can only imagine the inner conflict and dialogue that goes on in the minds of kids who consume it. Being a parent is not an easy job. I get it. For the first 8 years of Sienna's life I did it solo without help from anyone but The Lord. However, doing it alone is not an excuse to slack on the job. You have to be intentional to be effective when parenting.

God's Got This

The other day I was talking with someone and when I asked her how she was doing the first thing she said was "You know God is big." I don't know about you but it's rare that I refer to God as big. I usually just say He's awesome, good, or great.

Sometimes when I am faced with a challenge, be it with work or my personal life, I have a momentary memory lapse and forget just how big The Most High God is. I get in my flesh by complaining and thinking of ways to find a solution on my own. The crazy part is I absolutely know better. While I'm complaining and ruminating over the issue I know good and well God already has it worked out. So why do I even stress in the first place?

When we have struggles we can rest assured God's got it. He not only knows the solution but He is the solution (Ephesians 3:20) All we have to do is pray in faith. James 5:13 explains it all pure and simple. If The Father is big enough to part the Red Sea for the Israelites then I know He will come through for me. I must admit I don't lose my head in absolute worry and despair like I used to.
Trials are going to come. It's a part of life and not everything is to be blamed on the devil either. Some things God allows so that we can simply grow up (Philippians 1:6; James 1:2). A long time ago I asked God into my life to make me a better person. If this is His will, so be it.

We all have problems. The key is how do you respond to them. Do you throw tantrums? Maybe you complain and pout like me. It's easy to throw a pity party for yourself but trust when I tell you no one wants to attend. You only make yourself more miserable anyway. We should all save ourselves some heartache and do what we know to do.

When Life's Cameras Roll You Smile

It hasn't even been 24 hours since the Karrueche Tran interview with Ilyanla Vanzant has aired and everybody has had their say...myself included. As I watched the interview I couldn't help but notice how this beautiful sister sat poised, spoke so eloquently, carefully choosing her words, while smiling the entire time. Oh how much she reminded me of my younger self.

While watching Karrueche I couldn't help but wonder what could have happened or more important what didn't happen in her life. She spoke briefly of her inconsistent father but I feel there is much more than that. I am no expert, I just get a sense that this young lady has been betrayed by many including herself. I must applaud our dear sister for having the guts to open the door on her emotions, especially with so many people around. Often times when one has a "bare my soul" moment it's in private with only one other person to witness. In this case there were camera crews, managers, stylists, etc all about. Let's not forget to mention all of the viewers who tuned in last night and in the coming future.

There were times when the questions were tough. The emotions swelling up were intense but Karreuche smiled on. Almost inappropriately at times. I couldn't help but remember one day when I was about 21 my aunt asked me "What's wrong?" I wanted to know why she asked. Her response was "Because you're smiling extra hard today." She saw through my facade. I thought I had mastered the old never let them see you sweat technique. However to a veteran of life like my aunt I wasn't fooling anyone. Chances are Karrueche wasn't either not even herself. However, there is a time and a place to address the issues of life.

I would like to say that life instantly turned around after having a fix my life moment with my aunt. I cried in her arms, shared things with her that I knew she took to her grave. Truth be told my life didn't become what it was really meant to be until I truly allowed Jesus to be at the helm. I often look at my B.C. (before Christ) pictures. Though there was a big smile plastered across my face my eyes were without joy. You could see the pain. The only reason they weren't lifeless is because just like Karrueche I prayed to God and asked Him to keep me a loving person. I didn't want to become a person so jaded by life like those around me were.

Benefits of Breaking Up Without Being Broken

Please check out my latest #WPOV episode on Right To R.E.A.L radio with my co-hosts Ces and Ro

To access the full show including show notes
http://righttoreallove.com/breaking-up

To just listen

 http://traffic.libsyn.com/righttoreallove/102__Benefits_of_Breaking_Up_Without_Being_Broken.mp3

It Just Might Be You

Navigating the social aspects of your child growing up isn't easy. I'm going to admit it. I used to be the parent who fumed inside when I heard that other kids were being mean to my child. There were even a few times when I wanted to pull a Madea and set the perpetrator straight. For those of you who don't know check out the bus scene from Tyler Perry's "Madea's Family Reunion" However, I refrained from doing because laying hands on someone else's kid is not well received in 2015.
Besides I don't want to fight all my child's battles anyway.

For a while I was hearing more and more about the kids at school. I just had to look into it. After doing my investigation and because I parent by Parenting Commandment #1 I realized that my dear child brings these woes upon herself at times. That's right my little darling isn't infallible and neither are yours. I had to explain to Sienna cause and effect. She didn't get it straight away and to be honest I still don't think she does. This just happened today so I have to give it some time to sink in.

As I was explaining her role in the situation with the other kids all I could think of was how I didn't want my child to grow up with a victim mentality. To me that is one of the most damaging personality traits one could have. John 5: 1-8 presents the sermon of the crippled man at the pool of Bethesda. This man blamed everybody else for 38 stinking years for the reason he couldn't get into the pool to be healed. A person who doesn't learn self accountability will never reach their full God given potential.

As I tried to walk my little one step by step through a particular event she began to cry. My heart was hurting because I knew she truly didn't get it and she felt under attack. Though I was kind but matter of fact it bothered her. I just wanted to open her little head up and pour the revelation into her brain. I wanted her to say, "Okay Mom I got it!" in the high spirited voice she uses when she has an epiphany. It's my job to teach her the hard lessons of life. I'm not going to be around always and I want to get as much in as I can within reason. I don't want to be so busy that I don't take the time to help her navigate these situations. I wasn't as fortunate. Some things in life I learned as an adult when I really should have been taught them as a kid.

Do you find yourself pointing the blame at everyone else but you? Could it be that you have a victim mentality? Maybe you see these characteristics in your children. Please keep in mind that children are meant to grow and go. They have to make their own way in this world and it doesn't start when they turn 18. It starts right now. Equip them to best that they can be because they will be from under our care in a blink of an eye.

A Mother's Pain

I found out today that someone I know lost their son. The look in her eyes was a look I've seen before. It was the look of a mother's pain...the same look my own mother had for years after my sister's unexpected death. I can't say that I have experienced the death of a child but I have seen first hand the toll it can take on a parent as my father himself has had to bury two sons as well. Yes you've read right. Between my parents three of their children have gone to be with The Lord.

As Christians it is supposed to give us a sense of comfort to know where our deceased loved ones are because the Bible says to be absent from the body is to be present with The Lord ( 2 Corinthians 5:8). However, there comes a point in time when words, even when it is The Word of God, should be few. I'm not saying God's Word isn't sufficient. I'm just saying there was absolutely nothing I could say. There was no scripture I could've quoted to bring  peace to this hurting mother and I didn't try. The last thing she needed to hear were clichés of "It's all a part of God's plan" and the like. From one mother to the next the best thing I could have offered her was my presence and to intercede for her through prayer.

I can honestly say that some days I take it for granted that my daughter and I will wake up the next day. I take it for granted that I will be tucking her in bed every night. When in all actuality that can change in an instant (Proverbs 27:1). After seeing the long lasting effects grief had on my parents I pray regularly for God to let Sienna bury me when I'm old and gray. However, if He sees fit to call her first I ask for the strength to endure it. My mother has always said there's no greater pain than losing a child. I want this blog post to be a reminder that our children do not belong to us. We as parents are just vessels through which they come. Our babies ultimately belong to God as we all do. They are given to us on loan.

Spot Changing Leopards

      Photo courtesy of wildlife-pictures-online

“A leopard doesn’t change its spots” is something I used to say about people when I was convinced they would never change, especially if they had a history of doing me wrong. A few years ago Pastor Josh Surrat of  Seacoast Church preached a sermon titled An Unlikely Convert. It was about the conversion of Saul. The entire time I thought about all of the Sauls in my life and was very doubtful about their change.
During this lesson, Pastor Josh gave us a list of six things we should do if a person is not showing change: (1) pray for a supernatural event (2) pray for a dream (3) pray God takes them to a point of desperation (4) speak and act in faith towards them (see who they can be) (5) claim a promise for them (6) don’t give up speaking truth and love.

Over a year ago I put Pastor Josh’s advice into practice when it came to my daughter’s father. I am here to tell you, in the beginning it was not easy and it was hard to be consistent. Once I was fully engaged I began to see God’s hand at work in his life. Some of it was good and some not so good if you look at it from the natural. There were times when I didn’t even see evidence that change was on the horizon. I found myself asking God, “What is it going to take?” I’ve even told my best friend, “He will never change. If that incident wasn’t a wake up call…”  I remember being in prayer about him and the old familiar doubt crept into my mind. “You know leopards never change their spots. They will be the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.”

 Just as I was about to get amped up The Holy Spirit interrupted and reminded me of the changes God has made in me. In fact I am still a work in progress. I felt bad for my thoughts and began to ask: Who am I to think that I am the only one that God loves enough to change? Who am I to judge others? Matthew 7:1 tells us to not judge or we will be judged. Matthew 7:2 goes on to tell us the way we judge others will be the way we will be judged. That reminds me of the old saying, “When you point your finger at somebody else, remember you have three pointing back at you.” If you have never heard that before, point your finger and look at your hand.

Approximately six months ago my daughter’s father extended the long awaited olive branch with an apology of a lifetime! The one I wanted to hear for 8 years. The funny part is it came when I felt it was no longer owed to me. Imagine that. Out of the blue when I had let go and let God. I accepted the apology but still had my guard up because when you’ve been hurt/disappointed you don’t want to go there again. My interaction with him was forced and and guarded in the beginning. I found myself trying to rehash old stories just to keep from lowering my wall. He was patient and understanding. He knew it was going to take time to rebuild our friendship. However, I was not making it easy and I knew I had to pray. God opened my eyes to the signs of true repentance Sienna’s father was displaying. What is true repentance? True repentance wants to make/pay restitution for the wrong that was done and makes a continuous efforts to be better than what they were in the past.

When I think back on the times I have allowed people back into my life, I did not follow the six steps Pastor Josh suggested prior to doing so nor did I see evidence of repentance. I didn't even give thought to the fact that they were not in Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says that if we are in Christ we are new creatures and the old is no more. It was not long before the same transgressions occurred. No wonder I clung onto the idea that leopards do not change their spots. How many of you think that leopards don’t change their spots? Maybe not in the world of National Geographic but in God’s world they do. I know this for a fact because I am that leopard and if you are a new creature in Christ you are too. Let us not forgot where we've been. We should not be so quick to pass judgment and condemn others for the very same things we used to do and still do. We will always be clay in the hands of The Potter, constantly being shaped and molded.

When "No" Hurts

It's so hard to say "no". We've all heard this statement. Some of us may have even said it. Well you know what? I had my very first it hurt to say no experience the other day. I must admit that I am no fan of children's birthday parties that's why I rarely have them at my home. The shrill cries of joy and laughter, the sticky soda/juice spills, and kids running amuck are not my idea of a good time. I just don't have a high tolerance for commotion so anytime my child misses a birthday party I breathe a sigh a relief because my nerves are spared yet again. Except this time was different.

One of Sienna's best friends was having a party. She was so excited to the point she had it written on a calendar. You see my child is the complete opposite of me. She loves a good party. The more people and activities the better. I was going to let her go as I always do but it just so happened that Sienna managed to work her way out of attending. In the past I would have been happy to have gotten out of the party but knowing how much it hurt her to not be able to go hurt me too. I couldn't believe that it was hard for me to say "no". Who was I becoming? I usually can deliver a no quicker than you can spell it. To make matters worse she kept asking me if she could go and offering to do extra chores. In my heart I wanted to give in so bad. The times I broke the rules that resulted in me being grounded came flooding to my mind. I knew exactly how she felt. However, it was important that I teach Sienna a lesson and if it meant her punishment was to miss the party then so be it. 

On my blog I am transparent about my life but my child didn't sign up to have her life on front street. It is with her permission that she has so graciously allowed me to post this most recent learning experience. I am blessed to have a child who understands that her life is a sermon for others. I want her to know that everyone gets into trouble sometimes and it's nothing to be ashamed of. She is not perfect but she's the perfect child for me. 

Has it ever hurt you to tell your child(ren) "no"? Even when it is justified that doesn't make it any easier sometimes. We as parents want our children to be happy but at the same time we must realize that it's not always realistic. Quite a number of us do not want to be the bad guy and want to always be admired by our children. News flash! Your children will love you more if you set boundaries and enforce the rules. How do I know? Because I'm a witness. I thank God each day for my moms (both of them) and my dad for sticking to their punishments. I wouldn't be who I am without them. 

WPOV on Right To Real Love Radio

As some of you may remember I was a guest on Right To Real Love back in Sepemter of 2014. I spoke on forgiveness. Out of that experience I was given a spot as a cohost on Women's Point Of View which will air monthly. I give all thanks to God for this platform to be able to minister to others. Please check out the first episode The Girlfriend's Guide To Making Sure You Are Ready To Datewhich debuted today. Also please subscribe to the podcast so that you can get a better feel and be further blessed by becoming a R.E.A.L lover yourself. Thank you for your prayers and support.

Mighty In Battle

The other day I found myself asking my mother why am I so sensitive. Why do I let the negativity of others impact my day sometimes? For the most part I am happy, love to smile, and I am definitely upbeat with a spring in my step. To me there is no greater joy sucker than entering a room and encountering Debbie/Donnie Downer while they suck their lemons of life. You know what I'm saying. We've all been there. The question is how do you handle it?

It's very easy to allow someone else's crass behavior affect you. However, I want to dig a little deeper. What if they don't necessarily say or do anything to you directly? Sometimes I can enter a room and just feel the energy that one is putting out even if they are being cordial. I am often amazed how others do not have the ability to discern spirits. If I am not careful I can take that negative energy with me by way of what I call a hitchhiking spirit (Matthew 12:43).

I know it may sound spooky and superstitious to some but it's a reality as Christians that we must come to know. The war is real and we must be prepared and our children are not exempt. That's why the instructions of Ephesians 6:10-17 should be the first thing we do before our feet hit the floor.

I wake up every morning before Sienna and its not because I need to play Betty Crocker and whip up a hot breakfast either. I get up early so I can tap into The Source/God and call forth a day of peace and the ability to be a blessing. When I am spending the early morning with God I ask that He keep her protected and for her light to shine bright to draw other lost children and fend off the devil's minions.

I often think about the time when I found out a sexual predator was working close with my child. It took everyone by surprise except for me. Though he had no prior convictions/arrests the Holy Spirit let me know there was an unclean spirit about the childcare center. One day I walked in and the vibe was way off. Something wasn't right. I didn't say anything. I went through my usual 50 question routine when Sienna and I got into the car. Later that night I prayed for God to bring the evil I felt to light and He did.

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I was privy to what was happening. I just knew something was not right. While waiting on God to move I increased my presence and made unannounced visits. Sienna's dad and I would go to the center together. My motives for doing this wasn't only to protect my child but all of them. I am sure the victims' parents probably did all of these things. However, Satan knows Sienna has a hedge of protection around her and he chose to stay away. The devil is bold but he's not crazy. He will only go so far with my seed...God's seed.

You see parents, that's why we must be able to discern spirits . We must pray for and with our children. Teach them that goodness and mercy does follow them wherever they go. For they aren't alone. Check out this powerful song and be blessed!