In My Shoes

Seeing your child hurting is one of the hardest things a parent can endure. The effects are even greater when the pain is a direct result of a decision on your part. Growing up I was merciless on my parents. Though I was not naive to the countless sacrifices they made on my behalf; I was however unaware of the guilt and the pain they may have felt when things did not turn out the way they anticipated. Everyday I realize more and more that my parents did the best they could with the tools they had.

When you are a single parent you feel as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Being the sole financial provider and emotional support for your child can seem like more than any one person can handle. Every decision big or small can render life or death. The choices are endless, from choosing a companion (if any at all) to deciding where to plant your roots. They are not easy that is why much prayer is required.

 If you are anything like me you may struggle with the guilt that many single mothers feel. Granted Sienna's life is filled with much love and acceptance; I am not foolish to ignore the impact of some of my decisions. Hind sight is truly 20/20. Please make no mistake that one should feel sorry for me. As my grandmother so blatantly put it, I've made my bed hard so I must lie in it. I'm not even saying single mothers deserve a pat on the back or special consideration. For I know in my heart that God's plan for my life is far greater than my past mistakes (Jeremiah 29:11) and that is all the acknowledgement and reassurance that I need. When feelings of doubt creep into my mind, when I feel a decision is one of the most epic fails of all time, I thank God for His grace because His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

As parents some of us spend all of our lives painting a picture of perfection. Children need to know we make mistakes too. Of course they do not need to know all of the details, only what's age appropriate, and things they will understand. Our babies need to hear the words, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake." Be vulnerable and ask for their forgiveness if it is required. Teach them accountability by demonstrating it. Let your life be a sermon to them because before you know it they will be walking in your shoes.