Thou Shall Communicate

When I was 12 years old my mother sent me to live with my father (that's another post for another time). Things did not turn out the way she expected regarding my father's promises of visitation. As a result we had to maintain our relationship via telephone and letters. Commandment #7 Thou Shall Communicate was very important.

I've always been able to tell my mother anything without fear of judgement. Even if it was something about her she allowed me to verbalize what was on my mind. My mother is a very gentle woman. It takes a lot to make her mad. I must admit that I was not always careful of my choice of words with her. Though she was my mother she was not there physically after I went to live with my father so I viewed her as a big sister or an older friend. On the flip side because she and I were so close emotionally there were things she knew about my life that my father did not know. She didn't judge me and didn't hold things over my head. Don't get me wrong she never upheld me in any wrong doing. If there was something my father needed to know she told him. My mother did not keep secrets from him. 

Remember when your child was a baby and they started to cry. You had to run down the check list to figure out what was wrong. Were they hungry, tired, or needed a new diaper? The same principle applies to older children except needing a new diaper is replaced with them needing your attention or ear.When Sienna is being cranky/bossy and the first three items on the list are satisfied I know that she needs to talk. There is something she needs to get off her chest. Proverbs 4:5&7 says that wisdom is best and that we should get an understanding no matter what the cost is. When I hear the words, "Mom I need to talk to you." I give her the attention she needs. If I can't talk to her right then I give her a time frame and I stick to it. 

There are times Sienna says things that I don't want to hear. She even makes statements out of frustration and I have to let her know that I will not tolerate her tone or choice of words. How else is she supposed to learn what is acceptable speech and what isn't? As a parent it is my duty to teach her as much as I can before the world does. I often tell her you may not get it now but you will understand later. It is important to me that we keep an open line of communication. When she gets curious about sex/boys, yeah I said it because the day will come, I want her to talk to me. 

I know what it's like to not have a voice as a child. Somewhere in the unwritten code of parenting children are not allowed to verbalize their concerns or fears. At least in my father's house I couldn't. That is why I always encourage Sienna to share what is on her mind. I want her to know that keeping feelings bottled up inside is unhealthy. I wish I could say that we are always able to sit down and talk things out calmly. But then again she is only 7 and I am human. We do the best we can.