Thou Shall Tame Thy Tongue

Getting angry and saying things you would regret later were well apart of my childhood. It was much easier for my dad and step-mom to express their anger towards me than their love. Some of the things they said to me I could never say to a child, especially my own. Like I've said before, To hurt her would be to hurt me. That is why I parent by Commandment # 5 Thy Shall Tame Thy Tongue.

It is true that the way we're raised has an impact on us as adults. Verbal abuse was very much apart of my relationship with my daughter's father. During heated arguments I was quick to call him names. Names that I knew would cut deep and jab at his manhood. I was hurt by his actions or should I say lack thereof and I wanted him to feel it. All of our arguments used to be the knock down drag out type via text. Those to me are the absolute worst because your target is not in front of you. You do not see the reactions or the pain on their faces. With my quick temper, quick mind, and quick fingers I used to send some pretty mean texts in a matter of seconds. During an argument not too long ago I realized that that would be our last.

Not once in all the years we have known each other had Sienna's dad ever called me anything but Ariel. I'm not saying he didn't engage or fight back. So don't go feeling sorry for him just yet. He just never called me a name. His tactic was emotional abuse via stonewalling and withholding affection. I must admit that it really bothered me. My parents were masters of this. So what was the eye opener for me you ask? Late one night as I lay in bed all of a sudden I began to cry. I thought about all of the things I'd said to him over the years. The names I'd called him and how I tried to emasculate him. I had felt the very pain I was trying to inflict. In the past I have apologized to him for the things I have said , but apologies mean nothing if you keep repeating the behavior. The last time we argued I promised myself  it would be the last. Trust me when I tell you that he has given me plenty of opportunities for me to revert to my old ways but I refuse to take the bait. Instead I look at it as an opportunity for God to shine and for my true repentance to show.

I also use Commandment #5 in my parenting by choosing my words carefully with Sienna. She has such a tender spirit and words affect her deeply. It is not hard to kill the spirit of a child. The wrong word at the right time can do irreparable damages. I even have to be careful when I make statements like, "Stop acting like a baby." She gets so upset, cries, and tells me, "Stop calling me that. I'm not a baby." I used to try to get her to see that I wasn't calling her a baby and that she was acting like one. But you know what? Her perception is her reality and if that's what she thinks then that is what it is to her. I really had to humble myself and apologize to her. Unlike me with my folks she didn't stand there and take it. She stood up for herself. She was not disrespectful about it but she let me know she was not going to have me putting her down. Would it really kill me to rephrase my statements? Absolutely not!

Proverbs 18:21 tells us that the the power of life and death are in our very own mouths. I want my daughter and others around me to be empowered by my words. I'm not perfect and there are moments when I want to throw people a good tongue lashing but I don't. Why? If you continue to read the previous mentioned scripture it says that those who love to talk will eat the fruit of their words. Now that's some serious food for thought.

If you are having issues with what you say and you let your anger and frustration get the best of you study James 3:1-11. It speaks about the tongue corrupting the entire body as well as our lives. Ask The Father to help you. I'm a witness. If He can tame my tongue of destruction and damnation he can surely do it for you.

****Later this week Commandment # 6 Thou Shall Break Generational Curses****