Kids Say The Darndest Things

The other day one of my twitter friends (I hate the term followers) tweeted that her son said she would be a better mom if she didn't make him read books. I responded with a tweet of how Sienna told me she wished she had a better mom. We both laughed at how kids think they know what constitutes a "good/better" mom.

I know my child sounded pretty ungrateful and bratty. Some of you are probably even wondering what my response was. Well, we were going through a critical point in our lives. Sienna was still reeling from the break up of her father and I. For her to say that it was truly out of character. So I was sure to give her some grace by saying, "I want you to have a better mom too. That's why I pray and ask God to help me everyday." I didn't say it in a harsh tone. I was quite calm because I was exhausted and didn't have the strength to fuss. Besides the Bible says a kind word turns away anger (Proverbs 15:1) This is true because the conversation did not go any further from there.

Has your child ever critiqued your parenting skills? Better yet has your child ever said something to you that made you question yourself as a mother. I must admit it hurt me to hear Sienna say that even though I know I am an awesome mom. I knew she was hurting deep inside and that was her way of expressing it. It was important for me to handle the situation with care. So I went to my bed and cried to God for his direction and comfort.

The next time you get down about your parenting decisions ask yourself: Do I look to the interest of what's best for my child? Is my child relatively happy and healthy for the most part? Are we growing as a family in Christ? If you have answered "yes" to these three questions then you can rest easy. Don't worry about the the decisions you have made that may not have panned out. Move forward and remember there is no condemnation for them who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

Thou Shall Teach The Word

Recently I had the pleasure of learning that Valen, the son of one my blog readers Corina, was baptized this past Saturday. She shared with me that Valen's biological father (her ex) is an Atheist while she is a Christian. It was decided when he was born that Valen would choose his own faith. At the age of 11 he chose to be baptized as a Christian! This a perfect example of Parenting Commandment #10 Thou Shall Teach The Word.

I am so happy I delayed writing a post on this commandment. Though I had it all figured out in my mind which of my stories I would share; I just hadn't time to post it. I was starting to feel bad because I knew my readers were expecting a new post. However, I am so glad that I didn't have time or else I would've missed the opportunity to share Valen's good news!

Though Corina is now married to a wonderful man, Valen's father still has some influence in his life. Corina's son is well aware of his father's beliefs and could have easily wanted to be like him. Don't all little boys want to be like their dad? One would think that a child would grow up confused by having parents with two totally different views on God. That is not the case here because Corina parents by Commandment #9 Thou Shall Live Authentically. She not only teaches her son The Word of God but she lives it in her daily life. Valen is able to clearly see a distinct difference between the lives of his mother and biological father.

I'm not saying that his father lives a bad life but for all of us believers we know and understand what life is like when you are walking with Jesus and when you are not. I do believe that Valen made an informed decision to choose Jesus Christ as his personal savior because of the life he has seen his mother live before him.

When I was a hospice nurse one of my patients told me that her favorite scripture was "Nothing gives me greater joy than to know my children are walking in the way"-3 John 1:4. At that time I wasn't a parent but I thought it was sweet. It wasn't until my own child committed her life to Christ on March 23, 2014 that that scripture took on a whole new meaning.

As I read Cori's email I cried tears of joy. I could feel her excitement. I know that feeling all too well. I am sure as a mother she gets comfort in knowing that her son has a relationship with God that will sustain him for the rest of his life. The Bible says we should train a child up in the way he should go and when he is old he won't part from it (Proverbs 22:6).

Can You Really Forgive and Forget?

I can't even begin to express my gratitude for all of you who read/follow my blog. I want to share with you an opportunity that I had to be a guest speaker on Right to Real Real Love Radio. This episode is on forgiveness. Please click the link and enjoy. Your feedback and you sharing your experiences would be appreciated. The final parenting commandment will be posted later in the week. Be blessed!
http:/righttoreallove.com/forgive-and-forget/

Thou Shall Live An Authentic Life

I've never been one to participate on social media until recently. Though I'm an extrovert and will open up under the right settings and conditions I like to keep my life pretty private. If you have a child like mine all of that can go out of the window in one conversation. Commandment #9 Thou Shall Live Authentically will surely help you survive those moments.

Sienna is a happy go lucky child who loves to talk and share. Not only does she like to share what's going on in her world but she shares what's happening in mine. My little one never says anything inappropriate and she doesn't reveal deep family issues that she may be privy to. However, she doesn't hesitate to talk openly about the things she finds funny or interesting.

My latest encounter with my daughter "putting me on blast" was at her friend's birthday party. I walked her inside, introduced myself, and went back to my car for a webinar. While I was attending my meeting Sienna was being the life of the party. She had her audience captivated and I was about to have details of my life put on front street (Luke 12:3).

When I returned to the party I was greeted with, "Congratulations! We hear you're getting married." To say I was caught off guard would be an understatement. I was blown for a loop. I responded cheerfully, "I'm not getting married. I don't even have a man." One of the moms was quick to tell me that Sienna said that I told her I was waiting for God to send me a husband and that he was on his way. When I heard that I thanked God that I was no longer a person who lived a reckless life.

As the party continued another mom told me that they have learned so much about me through my child. Had someone said this to me 5 years ago I would've been worried. Change is possible! I'm doing what is right and no longer have anything to hide. I stopped acting a certain way around a group of people and then switched out when I was around another group. God's Word says in James 1:8 that a double minded individual is an unstable one...indeed I was.

We should always strive to set an example by doing good and to show integrity and seriousness in everything that we do (Titus 2:7) "Everything" includes what is done in private as well as public. Do I always get it right? Of course not. But I don't always get it wrong either. There are times I slip up and say a word or two that's not pleasing to God but my over all life style is Godly and full of integrity.

What are you teaching your child(ren) about living an authentic life? Do you tell them not to let visitors/callers know that you are home when you really are? What seems like little white lies lay the foundation of dishonesty in their lives. Do you put on fronts for the public when you're really a nightmare behind closed doors? When our kids see us acting this way it gives them the green light. Sometimes you can't blame a child who acts picture perfect around the house but gets wild when they're with their peers. They only mimic what they see.

Thou Shall Trust The Process

I appreciate all of you taking the time to read my blog. My postings have not been as consistent due to me starting a new job. Or should I say a new career. Back in May I quit a job that was meeting my financial needs but was stealing me away from my child. When I gave my notice I didn't even have a job waiting for me. To be honest I hadn't even started looking. It was after much prayer and consideration I decided to follow Commandment #8 Thou Shall Trust The Process. 

I know many of you are thinking that I was nuts for leaving a job without securing a new one. For those who know me it was completely out of character for me. I'm the type of woman who always has a plan B, C, and D! I try to look at a situation from all angles while weighing out my options. What can I say I like to have all my bases covered.  I must admit that this time I didn't and the results have been phenomenal. 

How was I able to step out on unshakable faith? First of all I look at how far He has brought me and my daughter. His past performance is indicative of what He will do in the future. Second, I know what certain scriptures say about His plan for my life. Not only do I have them committed to memory but I have them written on my heart. If there is nothing else I believe in life the following I am sure of:

Proverbs 3:5-6 tells me If I trust in The Lord with with every fiber of my being and I take time to simply thank Him and give Him glory in everything I do He will lead me the right way. 

Before I quit my job I told my best friend that I was tired of nursing (for multiple reasons) and felt as if God was calling me for something greater and different. I just didn't know what. I had been a nurse for 14 years. I never thought the day would come I would be wanting to leave it behind. How? When? There was so much uncertainty. I needed a Monday through Friday from 9:00am to 5:00pm schedule, no holidays, no on-call responsibility, flexibility, and a salary that would meet my needs. I had a laundry list of "must haves" but that's the life of a single mom when you're a one woman band. 

A few days after turning in my two weeks notice I filled out applications online. I submitted my résumé to various nursing jobs but I had absolutely no desire to really do any of them. One day I got a call from a recruiter. They received my résumé I submitted for the telephonic registered nurse position. The position I applied for was not what I wanted but it was what I needed. I really couldn't see myself nursing over the phone in a cubicle at a call center. I really like interacting with people in person. Out of all the applications I put in this company was interested. I went to the interview and something amazing happened. The offered me a position that best suited my personality and work style. 

The entire summer went by before I could start my new career. I picked up what shifts I could through a nursing agency so that I could have some income coming in. I pretty much took things day by day. I would be dishonest if I said I didn't get frustrated and discouraged but I just kept hold to the promises of God. It's pretty scary when you are the sole financial provider and you have little to no income. 

A scripture I kept at the front of my mind was God will supply all of my needs according to His riches and glory (Philippians 4:19). When I recite a scripture I personalize it. I own it. I make it mine. It holds that much more weight to me. I do believe it makes God smile when we believe what He says and we trust Him. He likes to be taken at His word. He is not a man so He doesn't and He can't lie (Numbers 23:19)! 

These past three months God did more than I could ever ask, think, or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Not only did He meet my needs but I learned how to live on less. I've always wanted to do it but just never tried. Due to finances being tight I couldn't go all out for Sienna's birthday like I usually do. I YouTubed a recipe for a princess castle cake and made it myself with my BFF's help. It wasn't perfect but it was made with love and it tasted great. I wish I had a piece now. 

My mom was able to make it to the party. This was extra special because she had never been to one of Sienna's parties before. Mom took her on a shopping spree for school clothes and my neighbor gave her more clothes than I have room for. Truthfully this is nowhere near all of the blessings that have come my way. I would be here all day telling you guys about them. 

The time off this summer was not all about me and what I gained. I chose to use the time to start my blog as well as a support group for single moms. I have had the honor of collaborating with my big little brother, Jay Mayo of Right to R.E.A.L Love. He asked me to be a guest speaker on an upcoming podcast in September regarding forgiving a sibling who has betrayed you. I hope you all will listen. I will be posting the link soon so that if you don't or can't subscribe to the podcast you will have access to it. 

The blessings of The Most High God are ours. All we have to do is agree and walk in to them. Open your hearts and your minds to the endless possibilities that come through God and have faith. 

***Later this week Commandment #8 Thou Shall Teach The Word***

Thou Shall Communicate

When I was 12 years old my mother sent me to live with my father (that's another post for another time). Things did not turn out the way she expected regarding my father's promises of visitation. As a result we had to maintain our relationship via telephone and letters. Commandment #7 Thou Shall Communicate was very important.

I've always been able to tell my mother anything without fear of judgement. Even if it was something about her she allowed me to verbalize what was on my mind. My mother is a very gentle woman. It takes a lot to make her mad. I must admit that I was not always careful of my choice of words with her. Though she was my mother she was not there physically after I went to live with my father so I viewed her as a big sister or an older friend. On the flip side because she and I were so close emotionally there were things she knew about my life that my father did not know. She didn't judge me and didn't hold things over my head. Don't get me wrong she never upheld me in any wrong doing. If there was something my father needed to know she told him. My mother did not keep secrets from him. 

Remember when your child was a baby and they started to cry. You had to run down the check list to figure out what was wrong. Were they hungry, tired, or needed a new diaper? The same principle applies to older children except needing a new diaper is replaced with them needing your attention or ear.When Sienna is being cranky/bossy and the first three items on the list are satisfied I know that she needs to talk. There is something she needs to get off her chest. Proverbs 4:5&7 says that wisdom is best and that we should get an understanding no matter what the cost is. When I hear the words, "Mom I need to talk to you." I give her the attention she needs. If I can't talk to her right then I give her a time frame and I stick to it. 

There are times Sienna says things that I don't want to hear. She even makes statements out of frustration and I have to let her know that I will not tolerate her tone or choice of words. How else is she supposed to learn what is acceptable speech and what isn't? As a parent it is my duty to teach her as much as I can before the world does. I often tell her you may not get it now but you will understand later. It is important to me that we keep an open line of communication. When she gets curious about sex/boys, yeah I said it because the day will come, I want her to talk to me. 

I know what it's like to not have a voice as a child. Somewhere in the unwritten code of parenting children are not allowed to verbalize their concerns or fears. At least in my father's house I couldn't. That is why I always encourage Sienna to share what is on her mind. I want her to know that keeping feelings bottled up inside is unhealthy. I wish I could say that we are always able to sit down and talk things out calmly. But then again she is only 7 and I am human. We do the best we can. 

Thou Shall Break Generational Curses

There is no such thing as the perfect family. Every family has their issues. What makes a family thrive and survive is the way those problems are handled. Not everyone has had the priviledge of growing up in a household devoid of dysfunction. I know I sure didn't. My poor family had more issues than the Southern Living magazine and we didn't handle them very well. When I decided to have my own family I knew I had to put Commandment #6 Thou Shall Break Generational Curses into play.

Growing up infidelity plagued both sides of my family. Having multiple partners or stepping out on their spouses was the norm for my male relatives. In a family dominated by males women weren't valued and were treated as objects to be used and discarded. As a result many of the women in my family do not value themselves and tolerate the use and abuse that is rendered to them. I can say this was my problem for many years. That is why I tolerated my child's father's behavior for so long. I was essentially groomed for a man just like him. My up bringing was also the root cause of me never respecting a man either.

When I moved back to South Carolina six months after giving birth I was under the illusion that my family had changed over the years. I hadn't been in contact with anyone except my father for three years. I made the mistake of thinking because I knew and wanted better that they desired the same thing. WRONG! Everything was just as it was when I was growing up. I couldn't believe it. Do people ever change? I felt as if I jumped out of the frying pan into the fire. I took me and my daughter from the situation with her father into an equally destructive one with my family. The insults and verbal abuse were still prevalent. One day my father yelled and cussed at me while I was holding Sienna. She started to cry. I thought to myself, I'm 28 years old and a mother. I don't have to take this crap anymore! I didn't want my daughter to grow up the way that I did. So nine months after moving back to my hometown I packed up and moved without notice two hours away to a town where I didn't know anyone. I didn't even tell my family I was leaving.

The move proved to be very beneficial. Without having someone there to fall back on I had to learn to trust God. There were many obstacles I had to overcome. Raising a baby alone without any help was more than challenging. I developed strength, character, and learned to trust my own instincts. I may have been 28 years old chronologically but I was really a lot younger than that mentally. I was forced to grow up. I stumbled a long the way. I made mistakes. Mistakes that my over protective father didn't allow me to make when I was younger. You can't shield your children from the world.

Sienna and I lived in that town for seven years. In that time frame I built stable and healthy friendships with women and men. I got to know myself and others. More importantly I got to know God and was able to see what He could do in my life. I became a first time homeowner and still have that home to this day. My daughter grew up in a stable environment that was filled with love. The experiences gained were exactly what I needed. No Sienna doesn't have the benefit of growing with up with my side of her family but that is perfectly ok. She knows who they are and loves them just the same. I do not speak ill of them. I actually communicate with and visit some of my siblings. For the ones that I don't we have a mutual understanding that we live different lifestyles. My daughter will not grow up thinking that just because someone is family you need to tolerate their shenanigans. There are plenty of difficult people in the world from which she can learn life's lessons from. A dysfunctional family doesn't need to make a contribution.

In Genesis 12:1-4 The Lord told Abram (Abraham) "Leave your country and your people. Leave your father's family. Go to the land I will show you. I will make you a great nation. I will bless you. I will make your name great. You will be a blessing to others. I will bless those who bless you. I will put a curse on anyone who brings down a curse on you. All nations on earth will be blessed because of you." This scripture sums up the story of my life. I do not regret the time I did not spend with my family. It was essential for my growth. I currently live in a city now in which I have no family. But I have a wonderful God fearing best friend who is like a sister to me. Proverbs 18:24 says a friend sticks closer than a brother and that is true because sometimes all you share with family is DNA.

****Next Week Commandment #7 Thou Shall Communicate****