When Life's Cameras Roll You Smile

It hasn't even been 24 hours since the Karrueche Tran interview with Ilyanla Vanzant has aired and everybody has had their say...myself included. As I watched the interview I couldn't help but notice how this beautiful sister sat poised, spoke so eloquently, carefully choosing her words, while smiling the entire time. Oh how much she reminded me of my younger self.

While watching Karrueche I couldn't help but wonder what could have happened or more important what didn't happen in her life. She spoke briefly of her inconsistent father but I feel there is much more than that. I am no expert, I just get a sense that this young lady has been betrayed by many including herself. I must applaud our dear sister for having the guts to open the door on her emotions, especially with so many people around. Often times when one has a "bare my soul" moment it's in private with only one other person to witness. In this case there were camera crews, managers, stylists, etc all about. Let's not forget to mention all of the viewers who tuned in last night and in the coming future.

There were times when the questions were tough. The emotions swelling up were intense but Karreuche smiled on. Almost inappropriately at times. I couldn't help but remember one day when I was about 21 my aunt asked me "What's wrong?" I wanted to know why she asked. Her response was "Because you're smiling extra hard today." She saw through my facade. I thought I had mastered the old never let them see you sweat technique. However to a veteran of life like my aunt I wasn't fooling anyone. Chances are Karrueche wasn't either not even herself. However, there is a time and a place to address the issues of life.

I would like to say that life instantly turned around after having a fix my life moment with my aunt. I cried in her arms, shared things with her that I knew she took to her grave. Truth be told my life didn't become what it was really meant to be until I truly allowed Jesus to be at the helm. I often look at my B.C. (before Christ) pictures. Though there was a big smile plastered across my face my eyes were without joy. You could see the pain. The only reason they weren't lifeless is because just like Karrueche I prayed to God and asked Him to keep me a loving person. I didn't want to become a person so jaded by life like those around me were.

Benefits of Breaking Up Without Being Broken

Please check out my latest #WPOV episode on Right To R.E.A.L radio with my co-hosts Ces and Ro

To access the full show including show notes
http://righttoreallove.com/breaking-up

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 http://traffic.libsyn.com/righttoreallove/102__Benefits_of_Breaking_Up_Without_Being_Broken.mp3

It Just Might Be You

Navigating the social aspects of your child growing up isn't easy. I'm going to admit it. I used to be the parent who fumed inside when I heard that other kids were being mean to my child. There were even a few times when I wanted to pull a Madea and set the perpetrator straight. For those of you who don't know check out the bus scene from Tyler Perry's "Madea's Family Reunion" However, I refrained from doing because laying hands on someone else's kid is not well received in 2015.
Besides I don't want to fight all my child's battles anyway.

For a while I was hearing more and more about the kids at school. I just had to look into it. After doing my investigation and because I parent by Parenting Commandment #1 I realized that my dear child brings these woes upon herself at times. That's right my little darling isn't infallible and neither are yours. I had to explain to Sienna cause and effect. She didn't get it straight away and to be honest I still don't think she does. This just happened today so I have to give it some time to sink in.

As I was explaining her role in the situation with the other kids all I could think of was how I didn't want my child to grow up with a victim mentality. To me that is one of the most damaging personality traits one could have. John 5: 1-8 presents the sermon of the crippled man at the pool of Bethesda. This man blamed everybody else for 38 stinking years for the reason he couldn't get into the pool to be healed. A person who doesn't learn self accountability will never reach their full God given potential.

As I tried to walk my little one step by step through a particular event she began to cry. My heart was hurting because I knew she truly didn't get it and she felt under attack. Though I was kind but matter of fact it bothered her. I just wanted to open her little head up and pour the revelation into her brain. I wanted her to say, "Okay Mom I got it!" in the high spirited voice she uses when she has an epiphany. It's my job to teach her the hard lessons of life. I'm not going to be around always and I want to get as much in as I can within reason. I don't want to be so busy that I don't take the time to help her navigate these situations. I wasn't as fortunate. Some things in life I learned as an adult when I really should have been taught them as a kid.

Do you find yourself pointing the blame at everyone else but you? Could it be that you have a victim mentality? Maybe you see these characteristics in your children. Please keep in mind that children are meant to grow and go. They have to make their own way in this world and it doesn't start when they turn 18. It starts right now. Equip them to best that they can be because they will be from under our care in a blink of an eye.

A Mother's Pain

I found out today that someone I know lost their son. The look in her eyes was a look I've seen before. It was the look of a mother's pain...the same look my own mother had for years after my sister's unexpected death. I can't say that I have experienced the death of a child but I have seen first hand the toll it can take on a parent as my father himself has had to bury two sons as well. Yes you've read right. Between my parents three of their children have gone to be with The Lord.

As Christians it is supposed to give us a sense of comfort to know where our deceased loved ones are because the Bible says to be absent from the body is to be present with The Lord ( 2 Corinthians 5:8). However, there comes a point in time when words, even when it is The Word of God, should be few. I'm not saying God's Word isn't sufficient. I'm just saying there was absolutely nothing I could say. There was no scripture I could've quoted to bring  peace to this hurting mother and I didn't try. The last thing she needed to hear were clichés of "It's all a part of God's plan" and the like. From one mother to the next the best thing I could have offered her was my presence and to intercede for her through prayer.

I can honestly say that some days I take it for granted that my daughter and I will wake up the next day. I take it for granted that I will be tucking her in bed every night. When in all actuality that can change in an instant (Proverbs 27:1). After seeing the long lasting effects grief had on my parents I pray regularly for God to let Sienna bury me when I'm old and gray. However, if He sees fit to call her first I ask for the strength to endure it. My mother has always said there's no greater pain than losing a child. I want this blog post to be a reminder that our children do not belong to us. We as parents are just vessels through which they come. Our babies ultimately belong to God as we all do. They are given to us on loan.

Spot Changing Leopards

      Photo courtesy of wildlife-pictures-online

“A leopard doesn’t change its spots” is something I used to say about people when I was convinced they would never change, especially if they had a history of doing me wrong. A few years ago Pastor Josh Surrat of  Seacoast Church preached a sermon titled An Unlikely Convert. It was about the conversion of Saul. The entire time I thought about all of the Sauls in my life and was very doubtful about their change.
During this lesson, Pastor Josh gave us a list of six things we should do if a person is not showing change: (1) pray for a supernatural event (2) pray for a dream (3) pray God takes them to a point of desperation (4) speak and act in faith towards them (see who they can be) (5) claim a promise for them (6) don’t give up speaking truth and love.

Over a year ago I put Pastor Josh’s advice into practice when it came to my daughter’s father. I am here to tell you, in the beginning it was not easy and it was hard to be consistent. Once I was fully engaged I began to see God’s hand at work in his life. Some of it was good and some not so good if you look at it from the natural. There were times when I didn’t even see evidence that change was on the horizon. I found myself asking God, “What is it going to take?” I’ve even told my best friend, “He will never change. If that incident wasn’t a wake up call…”  I remember being in prayer about him and the old familiar doubt crept into my mind. “You know leopards never change their spots. They will be the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.”

 Just as I was about to get amped up The Holy Spirit interrupted and reminded me of the changes God has made in me. In fact I am still a work in progress. I felt bad for my thoughts and began to ask: Who am I to think that I am the only one that God loves enough to change? Who am I to judge others? Matthew 7:1 tells us to not judge or we will be judged. Matthew 7:2 goes on to tell us the way we judge others will be the way we will be judged. That reminds me of the old saying, “When you point your finger at somebody else, remember you have three pointing back at you.” If you have never heard that before, point your finger and look at your hand.

Approximately six months ago my daughter’s father extended the long awaited olive branch with an apology of a lifetime! The one I wanted to hear for 8 years. The funny part is it came when I felt it was no longer owed to me. Imagine that. Out of the blue when I had let go and let God. I accepted the apology but still had my guard up because when you’ve been hurt/disappointed you don’t want to go there again. My interaction with him was forced and and guarded in the beginning. I found myself trying to rehash old stories just to keep from lowering my wall. He was patient and understanding. He knew it was going to take time to rebuild our friendship. However, I was not making it easy and I knew I had to pray. God opened my eyes to the signs of true repentance Sienna’s father was displaying. What is true repentance? True repentance wants to make/pay restitution for the wrong that was done and makes a continuous efforts to be better than what they were in the past.

When I think back on the times I have allowed people back into my life, I did not follow the six steps Pastor Josh suggested prior to doing so nor did I see evidence of repentance. I didn't even give thought to the fact that they were not in Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says that if we are in Christ we are new creatures and the old is no more. It was not long before the same transgressions occurred. No wonder I clung onto the idea that leopards do not change their spots. How many of you think that leopards don’t change their spots? Maybe not in the world of National Geographic but in God’s world they do. I know this for a fact because I am that leopard and if you are a new creature in Christ you are too. Let us not forgot where we've been. We should not be so quick to pass judgment and condemn others for the very same things we used to do and still do. We will always be clay in the hands of The Potter, constantly being shaped and molded.